another tired day..

today got a solemnisation function.
they are very "budget" lor..
hmm..
lucky time was passing quite fast.
tml working split.
& i am still awake.
but..
i am so gonna dead dead after my update.

thanks baby for waiting for me to finish work even thou i knew he wanted so much to go back home after a long long day.
thanks to my baby for a ride to buy my maggie mee & sending me home right to my doorstep & into my cozy bedroom..

亲爱的老公，
我是很珍惜你一直来所对我付出的一切！
我的心是能感觉得到。。
每次你下班后等我，
我都很高兴！
因为我很期待和你一起回家。

我是真的越来越爱你了！
希望你也一样爱我就像我一样爱你。

speechless

once again..
i am speechless.
something which is quite true.

it doesnt pays to be good.
only on certain areas.

i am not angry anymore.
cant find any other reasons to be angry.

一切都是注定的。。

whether i believe or not..
its always the negative.

我不想再寻找答案了。
再也不想了。。
可能不知道比知道好。

lacking of rest.

its been quite a while since i updated.
well..
my schedule was very packed.

ok.
was quite tired these few days.
always lack of sleep.

baby & me went to have steamboating session with pat, jeremy, shihua, shihui after work.
shihua came down to vm around 11plus..
the steamboating was damn fun.
eat until so bloated.
but very shiok.
me & jeremy kept on fighting till the last min.
baby sent me home first then he went back JB.
reached home about 3am plus..

work 3pm-1am..
but finished at 11pm cos no much people..
if not they will owe me extra hours.
went back home to have a quick bath then go down again.
exchanging presents was fun.
but abit unhappy later..
cried like f**k.
btu now everything is fine.
so i wanna forget about that xmas eve night.
reach home at about 6am plus..
slept a few hrs then go work again.
baby & me very steam-ed!

tml working split shift.
shall go back to his hometown after work.
nth much for now.
will be back again.

nitex..

my deep hidden words.

sometimes i blamed myself for being so soft-hearted..
i thought i can just put everything aside & let go like this.

我是不是真得很心软？
很多时候。。
我以为我可以很潇洒。。
容易放得开很多事。。
但是我错了。

刚才放工去走走时。。
又帮baby买了一个小小的圣诞礼物。。
这个月的储蓄不是很多，
平时也没省钱。。
只希望他真的喜欢就好。。
要不然。。
我的用心就白费了。
我为他找的东西对他来说都是多余的。

am i on the right track?
can someone tell me?
i am very lost.

i only know that i'm falling deeper..
but yet i allowed myself to fall without any caution.
will i get hurt in the end?

最后受伤的人会不会还是我？
我无法回头了。
我的眼泪已经流下来了，
好像不会再听我的话。。
一直流。。
我知道我只能往前走，
就算将来会是个空白。。
我知道我是不会后悔的。

i cant think of any words to describe how i feel.

你是不是想对我说你要。。。呢？
我没了安全感。
整天一直害怕这个那个。。
我是真的很累。。
但我从没想过要放弃！
真的没有。

我也把田野搞得晕头转向。
他每一次都在为我现在的身体状况担心。
有时觉得很对不起他。。
很多时候，
没有他的话。。
我早已经倒下崩溃了。
是他一直在鼓励我决不放弃对自己深爱的人。。
田野每次都让着我。。
我的心里很清楚知道，
所做的事都是要我开心地过。
其实他自己心里很害怕我的病情复发。。
所以他一直不停的疼我，宠爱我。

他的感情生活也不是很顺利。

我有时候也会祈祷美由贵会对他好点。

who doesn't want a smooth-sailing relationship?

我只想要和我的baby开开心心在一起！
只要他开心就好！
真的只希望他跟我会开心。
我什么都不想要了。
我不再希望或期待会有什么惊喜。。
不指望有没有浪漫。。
只要我们在一起会开心，
我愿意尝试接受所有的一切！
为了得到一个和baby有更好又稳定的感情生活。。
我就算失去一些东西但能够换来我要的幸福，
我都会认为这一切都是值得的！

give me more time to try everything out again.
i wanna start afresh in a more better way.

对不起，
我一直对你发脾气。
但我还是依然很爱你。
我只爱你一个人。

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

baby just went home.
at 12.00am..
we are still on the way home..
i wanted to say "Happy Anniversary" first..
but i lost.
baby took my words.
>__<"

today went out with baby, his mum, his nephew & his elder sis..
shopping around his area..
bought my contact lenses around 9plus..
thank god its still open.
however,
i am unable to buy the black tape..
too bad..
i just have to force myself to go popular or go marina square to get it.

baby is still on the way home.
well..
i am gonna have my shower now & wait for his sms.
have a safe trip home, baby!

P.S: my dearest adam..happy anniversary! i love you & will always do. its god's blessing to have you in my life.
认识你是我一生中最快乐的日子。
我无法想象如果没有你，
我未来的日子要怎么过下去。。
希望我永远都可以拥有你。。
无论是喜或悲，
我都愿意和你一起共度未来的日子。
因为我爱你，黄成华！

finally..

today's weather sucks.
baby & me got wet from head to toe.
we thought we are lucky to leave his house early..
as we knew the weather isnt good.
BUT..
after we passed the SG custom..
rain became heavier la.
my feets are so painful.
hit by the falling rain.
thou we are throughly wet like 落汤鸡..
but we still laugh at each other for our wet clothes.
i called desmond for help..
he asked weisheng to bring us umbrella.
THANKS ALOT to weisheng.
if not..
our hair will be dripping wet.

oh well..
he was slightly luckier than me.
cos he still have chance to change his chef's uniform.
as for me..
i'm more worse.
i had to wear my wet long sleeved uniform and pants to work.
cold like f**k.
but nvm.
i didnt regret or blame my precious baby.
cos i get to spend my night with him yesterday at JB.
i slept very soundly yesterday night.
weather was cold.
baby & me was hiding under the blanket.
so warm.
fell asleep very fast.
we both were very tired after work anyway..
so its not strange.

today's work abit bored.
not much people.
everywhere was wet la.
where got mood to come out right?...

well..
i finally managed to hang on till 1am for work.

baby bought maggie mee for me before he went home.
thought i will eat at home..
in the end..
i ate in the bar.
better still..
can go home bathe then sleep.
no more worries about my hungriness.

i'm so gonna sleep soon.
tml i'm working split end >__<"
nvm.
ady was kind enough to put me OFF on monday.
so that i can go back with baby to his house.

goodnight.

another lucky day..

i am so lucky today.
time flies super fast from 6plus till 10!
all the way busy for the NATAS function..
wore the christmas hat..

got a cut on my middle finger.
that wine glass lor!
but i was so touched when edrian offered me his handkerchief to stop my blood.
i said never mind though.
cos its his handkerchief..
i don want my blood to stain it.
i will feel rather guilty in the end.

got a small teddy bear from the AIG host.
cos they still got lotsa bears..
so every staffs got a small cutie bear.
i think i love the paper bag more..
cos more "class"..
lolx*

well..
i am still lucky at this moment :)
someone is blow-drying my hair for me while i am typing this..
that person is my beloved boy.
the so-called hair stylist is ADAM WONG.
my hair looks so STYLED at this minute.
wasted uh?
he should have been given a chance to be a hairstylist!

time to go off again.
byeeeeeeeeee.

emo shit.

does he really love me?
if he does..
how come he never display our pic on anywhere?
excuses being given that he doesnt have our pics in his phone..
but i have right..
he could have just take it from me.

its the thoughts that counts!!!

but all along he never did all this.
why?

i will wait..
i will see whether our hooking fingers will last through all this..

actually i know he's bothered by his family problems..
but i am also bothered by my own family problems..
at the same time..
this problem in our r/s is also affecting my daily life.
eg. no mood for anything.
its damn frustrating.

thou we are now some sort of fine already.
but i am always in a damn "frightening" mode.
i can just break down secretly anytime.
just like today afternoon.

no one ever noticed that i cried while having my staff lunch.
well..
its over.
i shouldnt think about it.
i know for sure it will happen again in time to come..
but right now..
i shouldnt think of anything.
unless the problem crop-up again..
which i really hope not.
GOD BLESS ME.

我是真的真的很爱你。。
但有些时候，
我真的忍不住。
不说又不行。。
心里很乱。
感到很害怕，无助，非常伤心！
我并不是很喜欢和你吵架，
每一次吵架的时候，
我都会哭。
还越哭越伤心！

我爱你，
但有些时候，
有些事令我很受不了。
你能明白吗？

我不是故意在你很烦的时候来烦你和你吵架。
真的是无心的。。
你可能觉得我很无理取闹。。
我是会闹闹情绪的。。
我只是需要一些你对我的注意力，关心和关怀就行了。
我会很过分吗？
我这样要要求会过分吗？

my throat is so painful..
cant even drink much water..
swallowing water or food causes me to grab my whole throat immediately for pain.
coughing like hell..
my tummy hurts badly whenever i start coughing.

tml gonna work from 1pm all the way till 11pm.
oh manx.
i wonder how's time gonna pass through the whole day tml..
i will be damn steam-ed.
100% guarantee plus chop!!
i will be complaining of the slow time.
somemore..
busy day!
tml got function.
early afternoon got reservation for suckling piglet.
hmm.
no matter what..
i must grit my teeth & continue to bear with it.
die lor.
i have not even work for a full month & i started to complain here & there.
i am a real 大小姐..

okk..
time for me to sleep.
BUT..
i will still wait for my baby to reach home safely then i will report to my 梦幻世界..
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!
he just smsed me.
reach home.
oh well then..
after his shower..
then we will both travel to our 爱情世界 together!

lost..

ytd was so shag.
supposed to finish 10pm for my split shift de..
ended up 11pm.
shihua ended early cos she's not feeling well.
so let her go lor..
jeremy extended to 11pm instead.
then went out with the rest to usual place for supper.
the people who were there..
patpat kor, binbin korkor, ah keong, shela, shihua, shihui, shela, jeremy, baby & me.

unfortunately..
i was too tired and not feeling good..
didnt really get to enjoy much.
hmm..
too bad for me then.

today woke up feeling super unwell..
somemore raining..
i was like ..
WTF!?
haix.
i don wish to mention the rest over here..
i don wanna cry again.
my eyes are damn red & puffy enough..
freaking swollen.

baby promised to bring me there to get something tml night after work.
will he fulfill his promise to me?
will he?
i am scared.
really scared!
no words can describe how afraid i am for broken promises.

i am so lost.
完全迷失了方向。。

i'm rather afraid.

tml have to wake up early.
cos i need to go for a checkup.
made an appointment last min with my doc.

haix.
negative feelings again.
somehow,
i am really afraid.
i had frequent pains these few weeks.
never seem to feel better or so.

kenji will be accompanying me.
cos i don wanna go alone.
thanks bro~
i so appreciate for his efforts to come down all the way to bring me there.

i couldnt sleep.
insomia.
i mean very serious..
i am absolutely tired & yet i am still awake.

just now while watching tv..
the pain came back.
this time,
i know its aint a good sign.
is that a relapse?
oh god..
pls tell me its just a negative thinking in my lost mind.

wanted to tell baby that i'm going for checkup tml morn..
but he didnt reply me the whole night.
don't know he's sleeping or wateva?
hmm..
do i feel sad that he doesnt really seem to care?
nope.
this time..
i don think i am sad.

反正伤心也没用，
看来我开始懂得该怎么应付乐。。
这次，我也不是很伤心。
反而觉得有点无所谓的心情。
到底是好事还是不祥之兆呢？

any surprises?

i am so TIRED.
full-time job is really tiring.
omg*
i so feel like crying at times.
but i often think of money to hang on to my long hours of work.

today got function in BAR.
my legs doesnt wanna obey me..
kept throwing tantrum.
even now..
my back aches like F**K ok!
totally no mood.
no one knows how i really feel actually..
but kenji proves me wrong.
he knew exactly how i feel.
i am afraid.
damn afraid in relationships.
i am so senstive.
all due to my ex relationships..
so..
cant blame me for that.
i am a pure SCORPION.

baby knows i'm sad at times..
but he doesnt know how to cheer me up.
a pure 大石头!
but still..
he do cheer me up & my mood flies to the skies once awhile.
thats why i love BABY.

P.S: I AM CRAVING FOR SURPRISES!

regarding work..

today so bored at work.
rained the whole day.
i so wish i could just sleep on my comfy bed all day long.

gonna sleep real soon.
tml work 11-8..
too bad cant finish work the same time as baby..

argh.
tml will be another tiring day for me.
function.
oh manx.

a rainbow after the rain..

i'm back again.
today had a big quarrel with baby..
but..
we are fine again.

baby should be reaching home soon..
oh well..

the first 2days of my full-time was quite ok.
i was kinda steam-ed on sunday working split shift.
cos not enuff slp on sat night as i finish at 1am.
somemore..
"big auntie" arrived.
my second time kana split shift on my first day of "big auntie"..
tummy cramped like F**K!
mood totally gone.
no appetite.
luckily time passes quite fast on sun.
jeremy worked in bar ytd evening.
thank god.
its not me.
dear reached at ard 10plus..
then we waited for jeremy to finish work.
went makansutra to have supper.
he had a $6 char kway teow..
baby & me are quite stunt-ed.
walao..
the portion is like damn much lor.
he's damn a good & big eater i should say......
he really finished the whole plate.
and plus 5 chix satays.

then baby drove me home for me to change & get my stuffs.
meanwhile..
jeremy & baby chatted at my house downstairs.
definitely talking about cars' stuffs la..
(still got what else?....)

then i quickly bathed went down.
we supposed to send jeremy to ang mo kio area then he will take cab cos much more nearer and cheaper.
but in the end..
getting nearer..
jeremy said VERY NEAR his house liao.
so..
we might as well send him home right?
since he also accompany us eat supper..
plus no train le..
its a nice supper with him anyway.
quite awhile nvr meet up and chit chat..

walao.
u noe..
baby & me laughed..
when jeremy got down the car..
he waved byebye at us with his face still facing US!
nvr bother seeing both sides of the road..
lucky there's no car la.

so we went back to JB.
baby transformed to a gan chiong spider when we reached the custom..
abit jammed la.
actually nvm de..
but baby nvr top-up his cashcard..
will get summon ma..
he was like so fed up.
but we managed to reach the custom officer at 1.55am!
cos 2am sharp then will have to pay $20 for car..furthermore..lack of cash in cashcard will get summon.
u get what i mean?
so yeah..

i am going to munch on something..
very hungry.

P.S: YVONNE ("v") ADAM

sianx.

tomorrow will be starting full-time liao.
haix.
actually don't know i'm happy or sad..
mixed feelings ba..

will be fetching my dear tonight..
then we go for supper..

today i woke up with an empty mind.
cant think of anything.
slept for so many hours..
yet i am still yawning here & there.
i'm just a piggy.

oh well.
enough.

tasks completed.

bought my black blouse & new pants today.
everything cost less than just 50bucks!

the pants very comfortable.
lolx.

i'm talking to baby now.
hard to type.

stop here for now!

a tired night

today's business not so bad..
again..
i was stuck in bar..
bar was almost full..
hehe.
sales in my bar not so bad..
so i dint hit record.
lolx*

tomorrow gonna buy my black blouse & pants.
hmm.
gonna say byebye to my money again..

i will fetch dear tml!
just a lil surprise la.
dear..明天我来接你！

i would probably stay home on fri..
vacuum & mop the floor..
might be packing up my room too if i'm not lazy.
if i cant get my blouse & pants tml..
i will definitely make a trip down to town to get it by hook or by crook.
cos i need it on sat.

well..
i am super hungry now.
gonna grab something to satisfy my stomach.
i have not taken my dinner ok!
my last meal was about 2pm+!

ok.
i better do so now.
dear nvr reply me liao.
maybe he flew to dreamland?
or watever?
oh well..
its ok.
i will still give him a morning call at 8.30 sharp..
PROVIDED if i can wake up la..
haha*

counting down to 3 more days to my full time.
goodnight.

workin 6pm laterr..
abit sian la.
cant imagine when i'm starting full-time on this coming sat..
imagining the long standing hours.
oh manx.
i so feel like crying..
but thinking that i will earn more..
no matter how hard it is..
i will still bear with it.

shall get my long sleeved black blouse on thurs.
as well as my sleeping pills.
also gonna take my passport photo..

so so so busy uh.
well..
nth much to update for now.
shall be back soon.

PS: i wish..i wish..i wish..that rachael will be a happy gal sooooon!

just another day..

today's work also so-so..
kairou's parents came VM to eat..
his dad quite humourous i should say..
ady went back home early at 10pm instead of desmond cos he work split.
wateverrr..
i don really care.

i was walking to the bus stop and i saw my so-called new friend.
she used to work at aria's.
but nvr seen her for quite sometime..
she transferred to Al Dente.
actually don quite know her la..
cos we always smiled to each other whenever i passed by her restaraunt on the way to the toilet.
so eventually i know her just like that.
not bad uh..
made a new friend in such a simple way.
chatted awhile at the bust stop while waiting for bus.
just gotta know her name, Cho.
short name uh..
she's from myanmar.
so surprised to know she is also from my school.
but i nvr happen to see her at all.
no fate la.

anyway..
i wanna cook my maggie mee now.
too hungry to go on typing.
goodnight.

my 3days 2nights with baby :)

i'm back!
finally..

the first 2days are actually quite bored.
only watched movies.
30days in a night & beowulf.
but of cos..
1 movie a day.
lolx*
cos weather caused us to cancel our swimming plans.
-_-"

today was fun.
make up the fun for the damn 2days.
went jurong complex to swim.
the slide was damn shiok.
but baby said its more shiok in malaysia.
wanted to buy titbits and watch dvd in my room de..
but after the swim..
no more mood liao.
energy gone.
our body battery are totally flat.

he is having a shower now.
thats why i'm here to make a quick update.

wee*
i have what i wanted.
got my organiser 2008 @ $8.55 which i kinda like it cos no much choices also.
also got my STGS book on the volume 16!
anyway..
it stand for:
Singapore True Ghost Story!

tonight..
my eyes will be stuck on that book.
after that..
when its 12.05am..
i will watch my favourite actress which is no other than Charmaine Sheh in that 七姐妹 show at TVB channel 48.

so BYEeee for now.

lotsa pics uploaded~

exams finally over!
went out with my classmates right away that.
drank alot manx.
we are aloholic-hoppers.


had our dinner over here.


my sparkling wine.


alice, eve, me

went back to work the next day after exams.
split shift.
saw this dog so nice..
damn obedient.
i was so excited.
even ask dear to come out from the kitchen just to see that dog.




this pics are about 1 week old..
went to my cousin's wedding.
took some pics in a very rush manner.


my cousin, peishan & me.


he is not my boyfriend. but a fake boyfriend. he's my younger cousin. looks like an ah beng?


these pics are taken during my birthday.









i miss my dear so much when he went home.
so i took it with xiaogui & sent it to him.
unfortunely..
he can only see the words but not the picture.
dammit.
but in the end..
he saw the pic from my phone.


xiaogui seems like smiling to dear..

okie..
finally loaded all these pics.
yes!
no more exams for me.
2 more weeks before i start my full time as a assistant sup..
cant believe that also.
so fast.
next sat i will be attending management meeting.
ok lor.
no need to sleep on my split shift liao.
i was quite surprised when i knew i am gonna be involved.
cos ady said i am starting the week after the meeting.
so i was involved.

well..
i will stop here.
if not tml cant wake dear up..
he's already sleeping so soundly behind me.
its already 5.00am!
my dark rings are out already!
manx..
pimples will sure be popping out when i wake up.

btw..
i will not be updating tml night.
shall be going dear's house for a night at his hometown.
then go back to his JB house the next day.
i will bring him for a fun swim on thursday.
then friday will work again.
shall enjoy my time with dear before i start my full time at VM.
if not no much chances liao.
very hard to find time to be together.
i will damn cherish the 3days with him from tues-thurs.
cos he also took off to accompany me.

THANKS BABY.

okokok.
stop here now.

a quick update.

i should be sleeping now.
but just woke up to revise again on my economics paper..
it will be my last paper tml!
but i don really have confidence.

if dear know i am still awake,
he will sure chop me up into pieces and eat it into his mouth.

i was sleeping so soundly until i had a nightmare.
omg*
its so scary.
imagine how bad it is?
its so scary to me till the extent i rather wake up and study..
i even on my com and blast up my music to study.
alright..
i have to sleep right now.

yay*
dear will be accompanying me tml night.
cos we will both be working together on sat.
byeeee.

i love u my dear moussie.

pics uploaded.

i was having problems uploading pics since last week i guess..
so..
now its fixed.
here are the pics.


me & huihui


choon mei(joanne) & me


me & charmaine. i am still trying to get use to calling her charmaine cos she is known to be samantha.


this is my latest pic. - during work -



P.S: i promised to upload this mickey mouse cake which JEREMY sent me..
now i have done it.
once again..
thanks to MR. JIANG!

:)

something is wrong with blogger..
cant upload pics..

just wanna thanks JEREMY JIANG GUO WEI!!!
he sang a silent birthday song..
and a non touchable MICKEY MOUSE BIRTHDAY CAKE.
so sweet of him.
THANKS ALOT.
u really cheered me up.

i will upload the pic once blogger problem is fixed.

:) thanks bro..

happie-birthday-to-me

weeee*
happie birthday to me..

oh yes.
happie birthday to my godmummie..
this person is ah bin's mum.
hehe.
just saw her & wish her..
so funny.
first time wishing someone happie birthday when its my birthday.
omg*
cant believe it.

anyway..
shall stop here.

now its my dear's time to accompany me.
sayonara~

counting down to my bdae? i don't know..no feel at all.

4 more hrs to my bdae..
but i seriously got no plans.
cos i'm still having my finals..
sadden.
this will be my most sickening bdae i guess..

will be stuck at home tml too.
dear also cant accompany me :'(
i just have to keep it to myself deep inside my heart.......

should be studying for my paper on monday.
cos sunday got no time.
going for my cousin's wedding.

aiya..
u guys reading this must be thinking that i'm so pathetic right?!
now i really do think so.
poor me..

thou i'm kinda sad & disappointed..
however..
i feel so sian.

but kenji said he will make up for my sad day when he finish training :)
nic said he will drown me :x
weiming said he will sponsor wateva baoyin will be buying for me :D
mich & baoyin will each give me a belated bdae huggies :)

i love them.
omg.
weiming is so sweet to baoyin lor..
me & mich having goosebumps.
i am so jealous of her..
wm treat bao damn good sia..
really 羡慕死了咯！

everyone is so happily in love.
i am still happy at times though..
but i am still trapped somewhere..
waiting for someone to pull me out of darkness.

那个人会是你吗？

SPAMMERS

walao.
that QIANYI in chenyun's blog caught my attention.
omgness*
come on la.
that spammer will be damn bloody happy if he/she gain so much attention in the tagboard.
who knows..
the person don't even know her..
maybe the spammer could be even her.
POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK~

YOUNG LIL KID!
i have better things to do lor..
i rather earn money than talking cock..
so..
think harder.

i am an adult ok..
so don't destroy my image..

彻底绝望了。。

i was so sad yesterday.
was alone near my house area.
doing nth.
except crying, crying & crying.
i'm just too afraid of broken promises.
this time..
i need longer time to trust him again.

today work BAR..
quite long never work le.
desmond's wife came down to go home with him.
she seems ok la.
then dear & me including shihua went to makansutra.
sent shihua home after that.

wanted to upload some pics..
but got there's error..
so sian..
nvm.
next time ba.
i gotta go slp now.
tml meeting my classmate for revision.
good luck for my marketing paper tml :)

1 more day to my birthday..
but i guess this year will be a boring one..
dear have to work night.
haix.
boreddddd.
guess i have to stay home for my revision for next monday.
argh.
i am so unlucky.
never had a real nice birthday these few years.....

swollen eyes`tears flowed

i am so afraid.
my mind is so lost.
lucky kenji, nic & baoyin can accompany me.
at this moment,
i don wanna stay at home alone.
too bad michelle cant go out.

nic will be bringing vodka..
kenji will be bringing orange juice.
i must drink to forget all those troubles for tonight.

my eyes are swollen after so much of hard cryings.
those matters has never left me.
they are always here.
i'm bothered by those stuffs everyday.
i am always afraid to be alone.
everytime i am alone,
i started to hear things..
why?

why still come and bother me after so long?
is it really my fault?
when am i gonna be free of those bothering stuffs?
how come they are the only ones who will comfort me..

kenji can listen to my problems very patiently..
nic can smoke with me & say lame stuffs to make me happy..
baoyin can hug me..lend me a crying shoulder & dry my tears.
mich can even accompany me on the phone whenever i need.

how come they are the only ones who are willing to come down at this hour just to listen to my problems everytime?
i'm sorry..
its raining cats and dogs..
yet they still come down when they can sleep comfortably at home..
i'm sorry guys..
but i really need someone now.

it hurts..
it really hurts alot.

helpless..

i miss my dear..
i know i'm hopeless ok..
he will be going back his hometown later.

he said he will fetch me from work tml night.
but i know i cant believe everything.
the trust is no longer there.
when can i gain it back?

no matter what he says..
i cant bring myself to trust his words.
trust totally gone.
he shouldnt have lied to me.
he made a big mistake.

i seriously don't know when my trust for him will be back.
as for tml..
whether he will be late or not..
or whatever excuses he's gonna give,
i'll be prepared for it.

somehow..
my heart tells me.
he is not going to be punctual..
or even..
traffic jam.
or some other stuffs like..
he will ask me to go home & wait for him.
whatever..

seriously,
all my confidence gone.
no longer there.

i have nothing for him.
except my love for him.
but i knew its not gonna be enough.

tell me what to do..
i feel so helpless.

exams fever.

my first paper is done.
wow..
the exam hall damn lotsa vietnamese & china students..
so noisy..

fri will be my 2nd paper..
marketing paper..
sianx.
lotsa stuffs to memorise.
think i'm gonna sleep awhile then wake up study again.
i am damn stress.

hmm.
anyway..
2 pics taken with my buddies during gathering.
thats last week la..
but lazy to upload.
sandy haven send me the whole folder..
those 2 pics are taken from her blog.

2 rest of the 2 pics are still fresh..
just a few hrs ago..
went sakae sushi for our lunch after our first paper.
gordon had a $40 voucher..
but the service is so bad.


charmaine,joanne,huihui,me,sandy


sandy & me


gordon & chee hoe..look at their face after the exam..


me,eve,alice

我是大笨猪！

i am damn fucking angry now..
i should have joined kenji & the rest just now..
why am i damn bloody stupid to wait & wait & wait endlessly again..
i should have went out with them to enjoy my mushroom & cheese prata..
instead of waiting like a stupid fella at home..
worst still..
waiting for nothing!

i am such a stupid fool.
i am so hungry hoping to have my noodles with that 笨老鼠...
wait so long already..
last min then tell me he wanna go out..
wtf manx..

i have been too stupid too many times..
oh god..
i cant believe i can having exam tml..

i am too stupid to be true.
so..
god bless me pls.

:: you can make a person's trust for u be totally gone in just a minute, but u will never be able to gain it back just within a day ::

siansation..

tml will be my first paper..
study quite awhile..
very tired.
hopefully time will pass very fast till my last paper.

my eyes are so swollen after studying so many pages..
feel like sleeping again..

yesterday heard from dear that he's working night shift on my bdae..
haix.
no choice.
gotta spend this day on my own..
abit sad la..
but what else to do..
nothing right..

thanks Eva S..

just saw my friend test..
there is someone named Eva S.
would like to thank her for taking my test but yet i am not sure who is she...
hopefully she would come by here again and let me know.

yesterday went out with my dad, sis, bro-in-law & my niece.
so fun..
but she was so hyper-active..
naughty naughty.

tml working split le..
so many days nvr work.
abit lazy liao.

should be starting full-time next month.
hopefully i will like it..
if not i will start finding other better job offers outside.

lazy-ness

exams are coming next week..
i only study abit..
den slack..
haix..
i really got no much determination.

monday night..
dear made me wait like fcuk.
i was very sad.
but he cheered me up very easily.
i am so easily contented.
he just drove me to allson's there to have our supper.
ate sotong..kangkong..lala...

cos i waited for him a few hrs without having my dinner..
my last meal was my lunch during 11am plus..
all the way to 10plus..
my stomach was empty.
thinking to have our dinner together..
but....
ended up nth.
anyway..
its over.

just now dear came my house without me knowing.
i thought my dad knocked on my door..
in the end..
its dear!

hmm..
he accompany me awhile then go home.
i learnt to accomodate at times.
he should go home early also.
furthermore..
he has the effort of coming to accompany after his work.

YAY*
tml rachel's coming..
after that we are going out!
yipee*
i so wanna play with her again!!!
dear said tml he will accompany me the whole night.
he will spent his night with me.
cos fri working morning also.

i love my dear so much.
i am so stupid.
should have cherish him even more.
he really cares for me.
loves me like no one else do.
compared to others..
we are so much luckier!
i must really cherish all this blessed happenings.

just ended the call with dear.
cos his card no more money le.
he went out to buy topup card..
though i said tml can buy..
cos now very late le..
very dangerous.
but he still went ahead.
i will be waiting for his call..

happie days..

promised to upload pics long ago..
but lazy..
now finally upload them.

well..
by the way..
i was mentioning dear's birthday the previous post.
took quick snapshots then we headed to his hometown.
had curry mee before we continue the long journey.


i nvr seen someone holding cake without his shirt on..
but dear said..
like that then special ma..
more unique.
my mouth was zipped at that minute.

aiya..
he is that birthday boy..
he like it then can liao lor.






3 quick snapshots before we left the house.


dear bought me to Sushi King yesterday..
wee*
i love him!
spent ard RM70..



its not mine. dear's food.






ok. thats mine.




our fried scallops..but not very well done.



food snatching!



the 2 little bros sleeping..



thats my 老大..



see the way how my 老二　sleep in the afternoon..looks like a dead piggie. but looks quite cute too*



a michievous rachel.




got these 2pics from my sis just now. yay* my niece is coming my hse this thursday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

happie birthday my dear..

he is having a shower now.
the cake is also in my room now.
however,
its still a surprise for him.
hee*

will come back soon!
bye.

advanced posting..

another 8hrs more to my dear's birthday!
hee*
i will not be updating tml..
no time.
tonight going to meet dear..

monday will be meeting my sis & bro in law..
including my dad..
we will be having a dim sum buffet.
hopefully dear will join us.
i will be happy!

today is my 1st time working with cheng teck..
doing opening..
lolx*
he looks so blur..
cos long time nvr do service..
always stuck in bar.

hmm..
i shall stop here.
nth much to update also.
tummy ache!!

i'm broke..yet i am happy:))

i am damn broke now..
2 big explosions on both dear & my sis birthday pressie.

actually 3 bombs..
the very first bomb..
our anniversary gift..
the second bomb..
his birthday pressie & surprises..
(its a secret!)
the third bomb..
my sis birthday pressie.

i wonder how am i gonna survive the rest of the days before my next pay cheque comes.
suddenly..
i remembered my niece, rachel..
she always said "oh dear!"
now i am the most suitable one to say "oh dear!"
lolx*

though my wallet now has a BLOODY BIG hole..
but i am rather happy..
i have done all the stuffs i wanted..
bought all the stuffs which i needed.
i am satisfied now.
lucky i work alot this month..
so next month..
life will be slightly better i guess?
god bless me.

dinner buffet :)

dear just went back home.
shall wait for his sms before i sleep.
so i will sleep with ease when i know he's home.

just now had a big buffet feast with dear at bugis..
together with ah bin korkor..jeremy & ling..
so shiok.
jeremy is the winner.
he ate the most..
i cant believe such a skinny tall guy like him can eat that much.
its abit unbelievable..
scary eh?!

then walk back to esplanade & we headed on our own ways.
ah bin korkor went to VL to find ah pat korkor..
then jer will send ling home..
me & dear went to marina square carpark.

i am so satisfied.
always wanted to have steamboat session.
well..
i had it today.
my wish is granted.
it marked my wonderful day with a fullstop.



this love song is specially dedicated to my dearest hubby..
though he doesnt understand the meaning of the song..
but it doesnt matter.
just wanna let him know that..
i love him.

「ねえ、大好きな君へ」笑わないで聞いてくれ
「愛してる」だなんてクサいけどね
だけど この言葉以外 伝える事が出来ない
ほらね!またバカにして笑ったよね

君の選んだ人生(ミチ)は僕(ココ)で良かったのか?
なんて 分からないけど…

ただ 泣いて 笑って 過ごす日々に
隣に立って 居れることで
僕が生きる 意味になって
君に捧ぐ この愛の唄

「ねえ、あの日の僕ら何の話をしてた?」
初めて逢った日に よそよそしく
あれから色々あって 時にはケンカもして
解りあうためのトキ過ごしたね

この広い僕ら空の下 出逢って恋をしていつまでも

ただ 泣いて 笑って 過ごす日々に
隣に立って 居れることで
君と生きる 意味になって
君に捧ぐ この愛の唄

いつも迷惑をかけてゴメンネ
密度濃い時間を過ごしたね
僕ら2人 日々を刻み
作り上げてきた想いつのり
ヘタクソな唄を君に贈ろう
「めちゃくちゃ好きだ!」と神に誓おう
これからも君の手を握ってるよ

僕の声が 続く限り
隣でずっと 愛を唄うよ
歳をとって 声が枯れてきたら
ずっと 手を握るよ

ただアリガトウじゃ 伝えきれない
泣き笑いと悲しみ喜びを共に分かち合い生きて行こう
いくつもの 夜を越えて
僕は君と 愛を唄おう

PS:
i knew you will be my one & only in my this entire life.
cos no one will love me more than u do.
adam..
i love u more than anyone else in the whole universe.
u meant the world to me.
without u..
i am just a nothing.