calming down..

my mood is slightly better.
thanks to some of my friends eg.
rach & lyn..
who ask me out for clubbing!..
dance like fcuk..
forget all those unhappy stuffs.
joey..
gave me advices..
ah bin korkor..
calling me occasionally to check whether i'm okie anot.
thanks to my junjie kor..& my sister in law, sherlynn..
they came to SG when i'm in trouble.
i'm so touched.

yesterday went back viamar to meet up with them..
refering to..
joey, sandie, sheila, rach, lyn,daniel, jeremy, lingling & shihua.
went to makansutra for supper.
took some pics..
but..
not yet uploaded yea..
another time ba.

today no work..
tml no work..
the day after tml no work..
BUT!
thursday..
split shift..
11-3 opening..
rest..
6-10 closing.
maybe still okay la..
still can slp after 3pm.

tonight going for suckling piglet!!!
meeting up at viamar again with the rest of the staff!
its actually a farewell meal for sandie.
but i will not pass her the present tonight..
cos i will still go changi airport to send her off on wed morning..

i will stop here now.
will be back soon :)

happy mood.

i am so useless!

i am so afraid of this & that.
i feel so damn useless.
now it resulted in this way again.
i ended up with nothing.

how long more do i need to be really happy again..?
i may smile..
i may laugh..
i may play like nobody's business.
but my heart is still crying hard.

i cant bear to let go.
really cant do so.

can you still rescue me from misery?

should i go or not?

aiya..
i am so caught in between.
i don't want my daddy to nag again.

but i so wanna go MOS tonight with sandie.
cos after this night..
she will be going back to philipines next week.
haix.
so sad.
will miss her so muchie.
time passes damn fast.
6months gone just like that..
she's leaving VM soon..
and soon after..
princess also going back philipines during 13 feb.

so now..
the main thing is..
should i go MOS anot?????
walao.
i really cant decide la!

my heart must be prepared at all times..

i don't know how i feel now..
but all i know i must be prepared for bad times.

today working in restaurant..
floater..
LOLx.
kinda short of staffs.
but still okie la.
today's senoras not bad leh.
mon went back at 8pm.
she wasnt feeling well.
her runny nose driving her crazy..
as for me..
my cough driving me nuts too!
diao*

i was more concentrated in food runner after she left.
cos only me in restaurant :)
then after 8 plus..
alfresco got quite a few tables.
sent food here and there..
got a couple sitting at D17..
walao*
they can really eat alot!
i mean really ALOT lor!
omg*
quite a rare scene.
lolx*

KS let me off at 9.30pm!
damn*
so early lor.
means less money earned.
argh*
die la..
CNY coming..
den when cheque comes..
i will be real sad.
i want to go shopping..
buy clothes...
lotsa clothes!
long time never go facial :( :(
pimple popping out again!
my fault la..
never wash my make-up properly!

i better go slp now..
freaking late liao.
maybe if i have mood to do so..
i will update provided if there's something for me to add on!

my mind is really blank..

i didn't really wanna change my status single.
i didn't really wanna remove all our photos away.
but since he's gonna change it soon.
i shouldn't hinder him.
he may get someone better along the way these 2 years.
well..which i hope it will not happen.
cos i will be still waiting for him to be back for 2 years.

these few days are real dead for me.
i only ate a heavy meal per day.

just realise my weight from july..
52kg last year..
just checked ytd night after meal..
its 48kg.

right..
i wanted to slim down & go on a diet when i just started in the r/s..
but i gained weight to 54kg.
not long after..
health went a lil downhill..
tummy giving me problems..
spoils my appetite.
now even gastric giving me trouble!

now worse still..
after all this happened..
i seem to have lost myself away..

ate lesser & lesser day by day.
even when my stomach was grumbling..
once i see the food..
my appetite was gone again.
i think sooner or later..
my soul gonna fade away without anyone knowing.

just as well..
better still right?
better be gone...

the lame...funny...blur...weirdy Yvonne is dead.
Yvonne now is totally blank.

gone for 2 years...will it be back?

i lost him.
really lost him this time.
2 years..
things will keep changing..
i don't know what will happen after 2 years..
but i know i will be waiting..
at a single mode.

pls don't change your mind again after 2 years.
2 years isn't long..
but it isn't a short period of time.

YVONNE is sincerely wishing for a miracle to happen.
i'm still praying..
praying..

MUMMY..pls bless me if u can hear me!..help me go thru this period.

-----tears flowed**

i am so afraid now..

will i be able to make use of the chance?
i am really afraid.
i don't want dear to leave me.

junjie kor told me lotsa things.
everyone wanted me to give up & leave..
but only junjie knows what i want.
he's the only one who never ask me to give up..

KOR..
thanks.
you are right.
i am not going to give up unless i don't love him.
he still love me..but not much.
but he's too tired..
tired of having quarrels.
okie.
so i will try to prevent us from quarrelling.
i so wanna make him happy again..
he don't seem to be interested to talk to me on the phone..
furthermore..
he's in camp.
i cant see him.
i don't know what else i can do.
all i know is that i cant lose him.

all these years i have knew u..
seeing u & sher happily together..
i am really happy.
i am so proud of myself that i am able to see you both getting married..
sending u both to airport..
seeing u both leave SG to Aussie.
thou i miss u all..
i still cared for both of u.
so worried whenever u and her quarrelled.
but end up with an ease of mind when u told me u both are okie.
i never wanted or expect anything from u..
i know u both love each other.
since there's still love..
there will be still a ray of hope.
i'm glad i've done that for u.
______________________________________

i know i cant repeat another mistake again.
i cant.
i shall not disturb him now.
so he will not be angry and leave me.
i will wait patiently.
KOR..
pls pray for me.
pray that i can do it.
pray that he will love me more.
pray that i will have a happy ending like u.
my palms are sweaty..
i'm really afraid..
i'm alone in my room..
not wanting to go out..
i'm terribly afraid to see his sms telling me that he wanna leave me again.

DEAR!
no matter how hard it is...
i will never give up on u & this relationship!

everything is gone..

my life is being torn apart.
my piggy doesnt want me anymore.
he doesnt want me to be part of his life.
he doesnt wanna love me anymore.

all my fault.
i should have give him time to cool down.
or else he wouldnt have got so fed up & wanna break up with me.

i want nothing else.
but only him.
i will wait for him thou he said he will never come back to me anymore.

CLUBBING @ MOS!

real fun ytd.
started work at 6pm..
quite relaxing la..
sam was off ytd!
hmm..
was working with beatrice at the alfresco..
rach got BAR.
lolx.
i was the lucky one ytd.

work work work..
when time was finally crawling to 10.30pm..
wow..
our closing was real fast!
finish closing about 10.50?
then slowly keep cushions..
then princess, sandie, sheila came already..
mon came with her boyfriend!~
he was so shy & quiet.
maybe not used to it ba..
blah blah blah..
get changed..
put make up..

me, rach & lyn TA 3pax in the BAR first!
we are gan chiong spider.

finally heading our way to MOS!

all the gals were dancing like siao charbo!
having fun taking photos...
the worst thing is..
i was suppose to dance with lyn..
rach was suppose to take a pic of me & her..
in the end..
the photo turned out to be me & lyn kissing like that!
omg lor*
joke of the day!
so me & rach decided to try that too..
but the effect of us doesnt turn out good leh.
too bad la.
uploaded the pics below..
enjoy..

lyn & me..whose kissing who?

SHA MEI club!

princess & me

my darling..RACH~ & me

princess tried to squeeze in while me & sandie are taking pics..but she failed.

me & sandie

shaking our ass off....me on the left & lyn on the right!

princess & me

lyn & me

mon mon & me

my darling rach & me

well well well...

finally done with uploading pics..
took so damn bloody long lor!
thats it la!

Day1

haix.
i miss my precious piggie lots..

1 month cannot see my piggie :'(
today is the first day..
still got so so so many days to go on...
wahs...
gonna die la.

today work morning..
so slpy..
working like a live zombie...
bin korkor bought fishball noodles for me as breakfast!
the noodles not bad la..but turn abit soggy cos waited too long then eat.
alamak*
ate some chicken wings cooked by the kitchen staff..
i only ate 2 wings la...
not even 10mins...
i lose my voice!

felt so embarrassed when i wanna attend to the customer when i don't even know i lose my voice..
lolx.

tml working night...
YES YES!
tml no chance to see Sam!
he's OFF!
woohoo~
but don't let me kanna BAR pls!
pray pray pray!

again...

again..
last minute tell me he going out with friends...
i cant imagine if i have already left my house.
forget it ba..
i should have get used to all this earlier.
but i cant stop myself from feeling disappointed.

just a few days ago..
he said if i don't wanna go MOS..
then he also don't go then will accompany me.
now..
ended up he said he will go out with his friends.
what the hell?
am i really taken for granted?
should i really believe all his words?

i really put in alot in terms of my actions...
but did he?
seems like he only put in his words without doing it..

just to see him..
i don't mind going all the way to his house almost everyday..
waiting for him for many hours when i don't even know when he will reach or call me..
when i don't even know he appreciate it or its irritating to see me most of the time.

yet i'm blamed at the end for not trusting him & his words.

why so many ups & downs ar?
is the God testing how strong our relationship are?

i'm back..

never update this few days.
was freaking tired.
most of the days spent was with my dear.

dear nowadays treated me better than before.
this is what he will never do in the past few months.
he even bring me see doctor ytd.
that fcuking doctor only give my gastric medicine.
forget to ask for painkillers.
i am real blurrrrr....

poor dear dear....
he got toothache this few days..
even when i'm not the one...
but i feel the pain when he's enduring the pain.
poor him.
just pray that his pain will go away soon.

haix.
today i almost pain until wanna faint.
my gastric acting up again.
so difficult to even stand up!
lucky today no much customers.
i only folded & arrange some napkins..wipe some utensils..
at least can sit down.

now waiting for dear to call me..
later meeting him.
cos he's going for dental...
bless bless bless.
let his pain go away................
FARAWAY FROM HIM!~
i rather be the one to be in pain...
so xinku to see him like that >.<"

smooth sailing from now onwards?

yesterday finish at 10pm...
sam let me off earlier..
then went viet lang with bin kor to find pat kor.
sheila made sour plum soda for me..
love her manz*
she even got a bowl of curry noodles for me cooked by the chef.
so spicy*
but so yummy!

after that dear called me..he was done with stuffs.
so waited for him at viet lang.
den we took cab down together to bugis..
while waiting for lyn & rach to reach..
we talk craps lor..
have some beer too.

dear was so freaking frustrated due to some stuffs yesterday.
was kinda shocked when i gotta know it.
omg*
in the end..
i thought of a way..
but was so afraid to do it.
even so..
i know i die die also gotta help dear.
my mind was saying..
worst to worst..die then die la!

FINALLY..
i managed to get it.
i'm really happie when i was able to help him.

now..
he can really smile.
he's worries-free!

i am so glad to see his smile again.

now his mind is clear,
but not mine.
i sacrifice something to help him.


i hope our relationship will be more smooth-sailing now.
cant believe that i will even beg somebody just for him.

just hope he really knows
how much i really love him..
how much i care for him..
how much he meant to me..
i'm willing to do anything just for him.

seeing him smile..
seeing him happy..
seeing him worries free..
its worth it.
he's my everything.

today is our 6-month anniversary.
but our mind are full of stuffs.
never really do anything.
he still gotta go out to do his stuffs.
haix.
but in the end..
he told me he might be meeting friend...
how come he never thought of spending time with me alone on this special day?
nvm ba.

i can never have a happie anniversary forever...

let me die please..
its really painful for me to endure.



Maybe if I could become a comet,
I could leap through the skies to you.
Whatever kind of tomorrow comes,
since a comet is always unbreakable,
This feeling is strong.
Maybe if I could become a comet,
The overflowing light will fall,
So whenever times are sad,
the you who looks to the night sky
Will come to smile,
like the comet
want to shine more.
What are you always fighting with on your own?
Being by your side is something I can't do
but...Maybe if I could become a comet,
I could leap through the skies to you.
Surely, without fail I'd reach you in this moment of light
And your now illuminated sky will revolve.
If I could become a comet,
Surely,
I would rise by your side,
Whenever the time.

shattered heart

its 2007...
suppose to be a happie new year.
but i am not happie at all.
here i am crying like nobody's business..

i din get the chance to see fireworks..
i din get the chance to spend time with him at the last min of 2006..
i only get the chance to have NOTHING..
to have unhappiness..
to have loneliness.

i have been crying from 10plus till the clock strikes 12am in just a few mins ago.
i can no longer differentiate whether my stomach is painful or my heart feel more pain.

i guess he will never know how painful i am..
he's outside enjoying drinks with friends now..
while i'm at home with my pain alone.

thought he will come to find me awhile...
but eventually..
he never did.


i still remember the date ..
the special day ..
[ 19.07.2006 ]
was going overseas the next day..
19th july was the 13th days after we begin our r/s..
thought i wouldn't be seeing him until i come back from overseas...
he was with friends i guess.
i was at home..
not feeling too well that particular day as i was having a fever.
he called me ard 8pm plus...
asking me where am i..
i replied..
home.
he asked me to look downstairs from my windows..
omg*
i couldnt believe my eyes..

it was such a touching surprise.
i cried.
i really cried..
never did i expect to see him before i leave SG.

it was the first & last surprise i ever had.

after that my heart is sitting on a roller coaster...
ups & downs throughout the r/s.
so worried that he don't love me.
so afraid that he will get angry with me.
i will panick whenever he ignores me..my calls..my smses.
i cried whenever i feel helpless & afraid..but he doesn't like it at all.
he's irritated when i cried.

but nevertheless..
i still love him.
i love him even more now.
never even stop loving him once.
not even once!
i fight this r/s for myself.

thou he says he loves me..
but honestly..
i really dono how much he really loves me.
only God knows his heart..knows his answer.

the r/s doesn't have any sweetness anymore.
i so wish i can go back to [ 19.07.2006 ] to have the sweetness again.

lotsa ppl gimme tons of surprises..
i don even care for that.
but i so hope the person giving me surprises is ..
YOU.
i wish that you will just pop up at 12am to give me a short lil surprise..
but that wish will never come true.
never did.