就这样离开了。。

my secret is no longer a secret already.
my little von left me today.
i finally have the courage to go for it.
i am really down today.

so afraid today.
palms sweating.
face turned pale.
i wished i can see u before u leave.
but this is impossible.
even if i could..
i will have second thoughts after seeing u.
i cried.
i have nth for u except tears & sadness.
i feel sorry for everything i had done to u.
i know u must have felt it.
cos u have given me pains when i'm on the way there.
i know.
i can feel it.
i insisted to send u away.
i believe its for ur benefits too.

my message to u:
my dearest lil von..
take it that i am very selfish.
i am very sorry this time.
i shouldnt have repeated this mistake again & again.
i thought about it numerous times & several nights.
always worried when i'm doing something.
now that u have left..
i will not miss u anymore.
but i will always remember u, your existence once in my life.
u are always special.
cos u stayed with me the longest period of time.

this time i prayed really hard.
really really hard.
prayed that u will not hate me..
hoping that u can find someone who loves u as much as i do.

i am so lonely.
i needed someone.
i needed u to be with me.
but..
u failed.
tons of excuses again.
i feel so weak.
i always thought u will be happy after all this.
i thought u will be with me happily after i settle all this.
i am so wrong.
everything is still the same.
why?

tears flowed like nobody's business.
today is the worst day i had in 2008!