bleeding heart

i wasnt feel very good after mel & her bf went to Lot 1..
very giddy after i came out from toilet.
i could feel my hands are ice cold..
i was really afraid to be alone.

so i called dear..
but i guess i made a wrong decision.
i know he wont come down & waste a trip like that.
so i called nic..
but nic nvr pickup my call.
nvm.
i called weiming..
wanted to ask him for help but i know he's with baobao so i just bluff him saying that i am bored.
my last solution..
i called kenji.
without fail..
he came down in cab & sent me home.
surprisingly..
nic came down with kenji anyway.

i know he was tired after training..
yet he still pretend to look energetic & happy.
still bought me a doughnut to cheer me up.
thanks for helping me & staying by my side when i am afraid to be alone.

somehow..
i wished dear is the one to come down..
but i know he wont.
i just knew the answer.
my heart tells me so.
yet i still call him even though i know there will be disappointment.

i am so stupid.
such a stupid fool.
i am doing so much for nothing.
really nothing!
i shouldnt have cracked my brains for ideas all along..
for i know i wouldnt feel appreciation.
i am just not appreciated.