a blank mind.

recently got some problems..
my dad fractured his hand..
haix.
now gotta send my grdma to some healthcare place..
gotta spend another sum of money..

very sad..
actually when i saw my dad's hand being bandaged..
i was so shocked.
very heartbroken too..
i cried secretly inside the toilet..

sometimes i blame myself for not being good in studies..
working part time..
but the pay i earn is just peanuts compared to others.

i can only afford to spend on myself..
sometimes buy something which my dad really needs.
today bought food for him before i go work..

my dad might be a lil big-sized.
my dad's voice might be a lil bit louder.
but he is a very nice man.
i knew that.
a big man like him can even cry while watching touching shows..
my dad isnt rich.
but he still donate money once awhile.
he always help those who are in need of help.

he did not even get remarried after my mum passed away almost 9yrs ago.

he keeps every matter to himself.
whatever pain he have..
he will still act as if there's nothing!
he will still smile and be happy.

i am just so upset..
how come nobody is willing to take care of her..?
why are they pushing everything to my dad?
why are they bullying my dad?
just because my dad doesnt speak up?

my mind is totally blank.
i felt really useless this time.

i left my hp at my workplace..
and now i have to bother my dear to get my hp back for me.
i knew i have bothered him..
gave him countless of troubles and inconveniences.

i was once very afraid.
but i have nvr felt so useless before.

i am so hungry after work.
but after giving some money to my dad to buy food for this week..
i don even wanna spend money on my own food.
cos i now only left not much of money to last me thru my next coming pay.

yvonne..
u are damn pathetic..
well..
i do think i am pathetic..