sadden

suppose to be working now..
but tummy ache like hell.
took the day off.
dear went st james with friends.
i am just the ODD one left...

i went home.

pain. pain. pain.
later going down to see doctor.

siew choo sent me a sms saying..
"let us enjoy e last moments of 2006 wif our loved ones."

i so feel like replying her...
how can i enjoy when my loved ones isn't with me but enjoying with friends totally forgotten about me?

sadden.
new year eve is gone like that.
spent alone like this...
rather be working...
i so wish i am working with my colleages now!
at least i am smiling...
but my tummy doesn't wanna listen to me.

you can always realise something when things happen......

i am never yours.
never did you want me to be yours all along.
i don't seem to have any place in your heart..
i love you so much but yet i couldn't feel any love from you as day passes.
i am so not important at all.
u never seem to cherish me.

well..
perhaps i am just not good enough for u.


i so wish to tell you that i really wanna spend the last few moments of 2006 with u..
i so wanna watch fireworks with u!!
but i will never get the chance.

tears flowed.
:'(

gloomy day

i feel so alone.
not feeling well.
tummy ache.
ouch*

dear went out with friends just now..
wanted to tell him about this..
but guess it wasn't important to him.
maybe tell him on sat when i see him ba.
he seems so sian also..
nvm.
the most i can keep it to myself.

hope everything will goes smoothly for me.
my health is some sort going downhill.
personal*

today work BAR.
quite relax la..
bad weather..
not much customers also.
left exactly at 11pm.
sam was off today.
thank god.
nth much le.

slping now.
bye.

moments worth remembering in my heart

mentioning that i was waiting for him throughout the whole night in my previous blog..

i went to slp after updating my blog.

Zzzzzz...

he called me at around 8am+++ to say he just reach home.

i was asking him why he didn't give me a call when he knows he's going to stay longer.

was kinda fed up on the phone la..

so i just said to him..

u go slp first lor..i will come in the afternoon.

then he said he want me to accompany him slp.

i was like ...

dono wat else to add on.

i feel like i'm more obedient like a dog.

don think so?

forget about that.

at least he still bothers to make me happy.

we went to rest awhile..

but i nvr get to slp at all..

maybe cos of the rush here and there..

my body was awake liao.

went jurong point to have lunch.

delifrance.

haix.

service sucks like siao.

slackers all around.

omg.

nth much.

went home again..

slack awhile den go out.

YES!

dear dear bringing me out to have steamboat.

i wanna have it so long ago liao..

took cab down to PS...

raining cats & dogs!!!

bought the 11.20pm tickets first..

watching Death Note II.

then go walk around searching places to have dinner.

quite packed at everywhere la..

XMAS EVE ma...

so happy lor.

so long nvr go out during xmas eve..

always work work work...

this year finally can go out with the one i loved the most.

we went to sakae sushi in the end.

i have paper steamboat that xmas eve.

nice..

feel so warming to have something hot during a cold day especially with a special someone..

just love this special guy,

NG J.H

still have lotsa time after dinner.

went arcade..

wasting time..

at last..

time was finally crawling to 11.10pm.

then bought food & drinks before proceeding to cinema.

movie starts.

not bad la..

worth it.

long movie..

show ended at 2.00am.

2.5 hrs of show.

lolx.

almost wanna drift to dreamland..

took cab back home again...

reached home at around 2.45am?

slp slp slp.

________________________________________

woke up at 12pm+++ ba..

dear ordered oishi pizza.

had the kimchee chicken while he had the beef...

no programs on xmas.

stayed at home.

so tired also..

around 6pm..

dear slept first.

contagious..

i wanted to just slp awhile then watch tv.

but in the end..

i woke up at 9pm.

woke dear up also.

watch tv again..

then feel hungry..

went down to have our late dinner or supper i should say..

........

watch tv again........

then slp.

dear fall aslp quite soon ar?

i only managed to fall aslp at 3am+++

woke up at 5.30am cos dear gotta go for work.

raining ..

cold manx*

took train back..

dear left at jurong station.

still got long way to tiong bahru.

listen music :))

wanted to walk home..

but raining la..

then took bus.

some gals were shivering cos they nvr wear jacket.

walk extremely fast back home.

got a lil drenched.

slept all the way till 2pm..

and now i am updating this super long blog.

haha*

wonderful times always passed damn fast.

tml..

i am gonna start work again!

sucks!

i am working 5days straight nxt week!

sian la.

this week sun will be the new year eve.

manx..

gotta work.

sure end super late.

well..

time to end here.

wanna change blogskin.

will update soon.

sad like hell..

i waited and waited..
but he never called me at all.

disappointed.
but i'm waiting..
pat kor & bin kor accompany me till 4.00am.
thanks to both of them.

thought he will called me at ard 2-3 plus..
but end up..
waiting and waiting endlessly..

my heart is crying.
does he know i'm waiting for him?
even if he's not gonna meet..
why cant he just gimme a quick call to let me know not to wait for him?
is it my fault?
am i stupid to wait endlessly for him?

reached home at 4.30am.

i am still waiting..

its now 5.46am.

reaching 6am le..

waited whole night for him.

pat said i am so silly.

am i really that silly?

i'm breaking down..

the only reason for me to hold & cling on is my love for him.

my LOVE for him.

this is the only reason which makes me strong thou i'm falling..

bad gal

i am so bad.
i love him..
yet i caused him big trouble.
he's so sad now.
no mood for everything like that.

sorry.sorry.sorry.
i didn't mean it.
and yet i caused it.
i caused all this.

i am such a nuisance.
i feel like a jinx.

feel like he's having bad luck after being with me.
not good things..
but all bad stuffs.

mixed feelings

today went anna's daddy wedding..
so happy for them.
made me so wanna get married too.
lolx*

took some pics in the london cab..
haha*
was lucky to get it.
so comfy.

______________________________

i miss my dear dear...
did he miss me too?

i love u.
i so wish to cya tml night...

sicky

headache.
stomach ache.

miserable.
boring.

waiting for time to reach 5pm.
then gotta bathe & meet dear.

fcuk it.
i'm broke again.
sian.
but i am willing to be broke this time.
its a different feeling.
cos i managed to help out a lil while.
its ok.

he has spent lotsa money on me too.

i'm happy then can liao.

aiyo.
dear just called me.
asking whether wanna movie..
Curse Of The Golden Flower.

ok lor.
watch lor.
msg him the time liao.
waiting for his reply.
k.
i now go play game.

wanna enjoy like siao.
before i starting work in 2 weeks time.
my longest break ever in Via Mar.

love it.
but no money.
gonna pia work on jan liao.
cos wanna buy clothes...

still searching for my PINK puma watch.
my top priority!

weird feeling

i don't seem to feel the right way.

we don't seem to be sweet anymore.
getting dull.

"am i the only one feeling this way?"
its like i'm the only one wanting to be ........
one-man show?
topics are changed whenever i mention i'm ........
sounds like i am so "don't want face" like that.
very hurting lor.

i hope not.
i hope i am wrong.
pls let it be wrong.
if not..i will be real damn sad.

no more bitter tea for me.
i had enough.
its real miserable.


P.S: ... above means i don't wish to mention it out

i am so bad.

i am so damn bad.
stay away from me.

i am irresponsible.
very bad.

26.12.06

a sunny day ahead.
a special day for a special one i love dearly.

HAPPIE 21st BIRTHDAY my dear!
i love u lots lots.

thou he's just very near me..
just had the feeling of blogging rigt now.

wasn't in time to wish him at 12am sharp.
reached about 12plus..
cos me & anna couldn't catch a cab.
waited so long at Pan Pacific Hotel just for a cab.

when i reached his house..
nicky, his doggie welcomed me..
really~~~
followed me all the way to dear's room..
staring at him..
seems like he's wanting to wish dear a very happy birthday.
lolx*
lame?

i hope dear will like the wallet i bought for him.
he just change to the wallet i have bought.
now we are using the same brand of wallet.
but obviously,
his wallet is much more nicer than me.

____________________________________________________________

i no longer care anymore.
too tired.
too painful.
getting numb.
no one knows except me, myself.
no one else will know anyway cos i will never let it out.

sadness

i hate lies.
i hate lies.
i hate lies.

i got very hurt when i knew someone whom i trust alot ever lied to me.

i hope dear will never ever lie to me.

i am so afraid to trust a person now.
i hate to cry.
but i am crying secretly numerous times these few days.
i suddenly felt so alone.
felt neglected somehow..

but i will never tell him.
cos i just wanted to be happy with him.

_______________________________________


i hate HER.
she is giving so much inconveniences.
HE is pushing HER to my daddy.
now my daddy's knee is bandaged.
all thanks to HER.
24hrs taking care of her.
SHE don like me at all.
better still.
i don welcome her.
no one understand me.
ppl think i am cruel..
not understanding..
but SHE is even much more worse than me.
nvr even realise that SHE, herself is so troublesome.
SHE had the best which i nvr even had before.
i am always number.2!
yet SHE still complains this & that.

i really hate to stay at home!
it's nvr peaceful with HER ard.

i felt so sad when i saw my daddy with a bandage on his knee again.
ARGH.
WTF WTF WTF!!!
pls ...
i am going berserk!
how long more is this gonna last?

things which i hope will last nvr seems to last..
things which i nvr hope to even exist at all seems to last forever like nvr-ending.
WTH?!
is this a joke or wat?
playing a fool with me?

Dear's house is like my 2nd home.
the only place which i felt comfortable..& the most peaceful-ness place ever.

i pity my dad somehow.

sad

i am so damn sad.
saw everything..
i read it.
too sad for words.
i realised that i am just a small fry.
only until now..
i realised i am just a nothing.

jun jie KOR..
sorry that u are always here to collect my tears these 4 years.
i wanted so much to let it out,
but i guess its a very small matter to him.
everytime i am sad..
i don't know whether i should tell him.
cos whenever i wanted to say something which i think its serious or important..
it seems like he's distracted by other things everytime.
i got so fed up..
i felt so alone after that.
i am really heart broken.
but no one knows.

i had to always be happy.
cos i don't want him to be angry.
but sometimes i can't control my emotions
.. .. .. .. .. .. ..

siannn

ytd was stuck in BAR.
i was expecting rach to be BARtender tonight..
and it turned out to be ME!
aiyayayaya*
still okie at first..
after the "George Benson" show..
wa piangz*
suddenly got crowd for awhile.
was making drinks here & there..
shiok ah~

i was talking to myself...
"walao..die la..sure extend to 11pm liao la..win already lor!"
but after work..
me, shihua & lingling went for supper at zion rd.
not bad la.
cos we all are hungry.

hopefully later sam won't call me..
cos if he calls me..
it means i will have to start work laterrrr.
god pls bless me.
i'm going to be at dear's house either later or tonight.
precisely why i am saying i don wish to work tonight.
anyway..
i wanna play my game liao.
cya-

smooth SUNday...

FRIDAY.
finish work at 11pm on friday.
went for supper with lyn & rach.
den crap around here & there.
had stingray, oh lua & our fav cockles!
finally can eat cockles.
lolx.
craving for that for so damn long.

SATURDAY.
then dear called me from his house.
i faster took cab home & change..
then rush to take cab to his house.
wahs.
tired.
once i reach his house..
after a few mins..
he fell aslp.
i continued watching tv till 4am then slp.
woke up in the afternoon den got plans going out.
in the end..
we met weizhong & prissy intending to watch movie.
but all either full or selling fast.
sians.
we went for dinner..
but the service is like shiit.
then we went to play pool.
but i dint play.
cos i DON'T KNOW how to play.
lolx.
i'm like a china gal rite?
after playing..
we went to suki sushi for supper.
haha*
then went home liao.
took NE line to outram..
then very sian to change train to lakeside.
so took cabbie lor.
wah seh***
the taxi driver very steady..
drove SUPER fast.
i guess i never sat in a taxi with the speed of 120km/h and ABOVE in my whole life!
the meter was already going to 140km/h!
wah..
i ask my dear to see the meter..
he was like shocked also.
lolx.
guess he has never encounter this speed in taxi before...
but very shiok lor.
from outram to lakeside...
within 15mins we already reached home.
fast hor?

SUNDAY.
went home today..
cos dear gotta book in before 8pm.
hmm.
slack & watch tv.
catch the LIVE sports ping pong between China & Singapore match.
SG lost.
sadden.
tot we mite win.
ended up...
nvr got the gold medal.
then met up with my mei, ling ling.
returned her the money..
den we chatted downstairs at my void deck.
haha.
i suddenly got craving for char kway teow.
so we shared a plate.
shiok.
went home after that..
watch tv again..
den dear called me.
thou i nvr expected him to call liao cos its already 12plus..
chatted awhile..
now i am back to uodate here.
but going to play auditionsea soon.

i'm going off now.
BYE.

TGIF

YES!
i can collect my IC back today.
finally!
i waited for almost 6months.
omg*
cant believe it that i waited so long.

1 more day to see my dear.
first thing i wake up later is to quickly have my breakfast..
have a shower..
get to the station to get my IC.
phew.
hopefully can really get it.
i don wanna drag it anymore.
going out without any identity really sucks.
no one really believes how old i am.
especially going to movies and restricted places like clubbing..

miss my finger just now...
hopefully won't get water blister.
its 12.35am liao..
pls let time flies like nobody's business.
luckily tml got work.
den can waste some of my time..
maybe going DXO with rach & lyn if i am not tired.
will waste even more time..
get home to slp..
THEN..
Saturday will come...
can see dear dear liao.
how naive & self-consoling..
haha ^-^
i like it then can liao.

recently keep playing auditionsea.
lolx.
cos very bored.
so play lor.
quite interesting la..
but sometimes play too long can seems kinda lame.
hmm..
if u are really bored..
that game can really be interesting :))

well..
i am to play that lame game for a short while before i turn in.