mentally & physically torture treatment!

oh my god!
first day of F1 & its already tiring..
events all the way straight to monday!

i'm wondering if i can still survive till then..

worse of all..
i am not feeling well at this time!

my head feels like spliting apart..
these past few days,
i felt acute pain at unexpected times.
& its both sides of my tummy.
all i knew is that its not tummy ache at all.
whether if its kidney or liver..
i really don't know!
when the pain comes,
i cant even stand straight..
cant even walk at all.
all i can do is to squat down for a short moment & the pain will be gone.

this is shit!

time seems to be ticking away its' own sweetie time!
i'm so despo now..
counting down..

2nd day of F1 on sat..
3rd & last day of F1 on sun..
winston's event on mon..

haix.

after that..
ian & cleo's wedding on 03-Oct.
KC & jovine's wedding on 18-Oct.

well..
at least there's a short break from 03-Oct till 18-Oct...
hopefully there's no back-to-back events.
i really hate this.
mental & physical torture!

shortening of my life.

i still wanna enjoy my life with my baby..

pls let me get well soon...
i need to be in tip-top condition for just 3 more days!

okie.
baby should be calling soon.
& its my sleeping time.
i shall now lie down on my mickey & minnie mouse bed with my mickey & minnie mouse comforter above me.
yes..i'm longwinded!
cos i'm extremely happy with all the mickey & minnie stuffs that i owned!
PROUDLY MINE!
cos not all are easy to find ok!
some are not even found in SG..

HAHA!

cherish now...

i am contented with my life now.
but not work though..
cos i'm always tired!

what i meant was other stuffs.

i cant ask too much & be greedy to ask for something that is hard to ask for.

well..
perhaps i'm getting old already.
started to think alot of stuffs for my future.

we have being thru alot in these 2yrs 7mths...
went thru lotsa ups & downs..
almost breaking up...
getting back together isnt easy at all.
i put in all my love in this r/s..
no words can describe how much i really love him.

yes..
he isnt romantic!
& yes..
he could neglect me & my feelings!
but..
NO!
i wouldnt leave him because of these reasons.

i learnt to give & take now.
i have learnt to wait with my greatest patience now.
cos i can feel it.
i can feel him trying his best to love me with my expectations.
this is what i wished for..
loving me..
trying to do stuffs to meet my expectations & this is what i want.
thou sometimes, he failed.
but i never give up.
cos i'm not wrong.
he will still find some ways to make up for what he has not done for me.
even if he never tries to do anything,
i will still wait.
cos i love him.

love means giving in & more than that!
i can forgive him..as long as he loves me.
i believe his faithfulness now & then.
i'm giving him more trust than anyone else.

i love my baby, ADAM WONG!
nothing will change the fact.
no matter what happens..
i will still stick to my own decision.

even if ppl talk behind my back..
i wouldnt care a damn at all.

baby,
thou u nvr get a chance to see my blog..
sometimes i wish i could let u see it.
but sometimes i wish that u would nvr get to see it.

one thing i know all along is that,
u knew i love u always.
placing u in my top priority list.

i love u.
& i will always do.
nothing will change anything..
for now & forever.

P.S:
i finally knew who u are now..i chose to keep quiet not because i'm afraid of losing to U. YES..i am afraid of losing him..but afterall, i chose to believe him. cos we have been thru alot these few years & we are always supporting each other during each of our toughest days. i don wanna make a big fuss like U. this is not love. i wanna protect his FEELINGS. have U ever love someone till u will do everything for him? loving him till the extent that u will bear everything & kept quiet without letting him know that u have done all these for him? u don need to announce to everyone that how much u have done or how much u love him! to me, LOVE is a body language in silence..need not be said but only need to be done out nicely, sincerely from your heart to someone whom u really love. seek for your maturity. tq.

exhausted

had a tiring day..
was so tied up with stuffs..
caused me to miss my slp.

& the fantastic thing tml is..
i am working full shift.
shiok.
i can imagine & feel the steam-UP feeling tml in advance now!

i need a break!
pls!

my baby behind me is sleeping so soundly..
he's supposed to wake up to go home after my shower.
but now..
he's so reluctant to wake up.

i am such a blur blur blur QUEEN.
guess what!?
i left my mobile phone in VL..
that means i do not have any alarm clock!
cos i mainly survive & struggle to wake up with my repeated alarm reminders.
if that were to say IF i accidentally or press the head of my minnie mouse alarm clock with my itch fingers..
thats it.

cos no one is gonna open the door for all VL staffs.
i am so gonna be in deep deep shit if this happens tml.

god pls bless me.
remove my sleepyhead habit for just tml or as least when i forgot my phone.
i will love u!

okiex.
must stop here now.
shoulders aching..
eyes getting heavier.
my feets' veins are protesting by popping up to the maximum.
& its seriously disgusting.
well..
i get disgusted by myself as well at times.

shall SHAKE & WAKE baby up now!

nitex.

a better day..

my dad is finally home.
thank god..
but he has such a long scar which really scares me.

went to the STB today for star profiling..
was so blur...
luckily "mama" sent me there..

there are other races more than chinese people..
not racist la..
but feel kinda weird.

the small test took more than 1 hr..
but i wasnt bored at all.
i was so busy watching video & answering all the questions within seconds for each!
no time to feel sleepy also!

when i finally completed all..
phew..
i din even realised i was feeling cold all the way in the auditorium..
right after i completed..
i was shivering..
nabei*

baby came to my house after work just now.
spent a short time with me but yet i cherished this short moments just as much.
he went to fetch his dearest buddy, LITTLE PIG!~
cos its gonna be his bday on wed.
he's celebrating with him.

LITTLE PIG...
i'm gonna lend you my baby...the pillion seat on this bike...my special seat in his car...
just lending you for these 2days!
make sure you return him back to me on wed!
OTHERWISE ... !!!!
you better like the present.
cos i made effort to buy the present for baby so that he can give it to YOU!

well well well..i shall see my baby again on wed night then.

just finished watching my TVB drama..
i missed charmaine sheh's dramas..
gosh!
damn hoping that she sings more..
cos i really really love her voice!

should be going to timbre after work tml.
but baby's not joining..
well..
its ok.
i wanna drink alot alot & go home sleep..
my plans on wed - SLACKING AT HOME.
i will sleep all the way till i wish to wake up & then clean my house.
thats it.

alrighty.
just received my baby's sms.
he's back in his JB house.
he's having his shower now.
will be going back to his hometown together with LITTLE PIG!
thats where my special seat will be taken by him.

its a long wait.
but i will still wait :)
cos he promised to give me a call once he reach his hometown.

lalala~~~

my mood is slightly better now..
probably cos my dad is much more better..
no crying for these 2 days..
slight improvement.
somehow..
i really suspect that i could be suffering from depression.

okie..
my neck is aching like mad..
i shall lie on my mickey & minnie comforter now :)

wait.
wait..
wait...

look forward to my baby's call.

a feeling which could not be described unless u experience it like i do.

hope my dad's operation goes well.

i wanna bring my dad overseas this year.
i promised.

i will save as much as i can.
i promised.

i lost my mum.
pls don give me the feeling of losing both parents at this age of mine.

i am so envy of the others.
they have both parents with them.
they can get scoldings..

why cant i?
why cant i have it too?

am i born to have such a hard life?
why am i always feeling depressed?

suddenly i realised all my smiles shown are getting lesser.
in fact,
i'm sorry to reveal that most of them are fake.
i'm not happy at all.

i just don wanna show out my emotions unless i, myself lost control.

i have been crying everyday.
but i don even know why.

when i see my dad..
the more he pretended like nth.
the more i felt so much like hell.

i want a happy family..
but i will nvr get to have it again.

somehow,
i felt my spirit is locked elsewhere in other world.
i lost myself away..
my concentration..
my focus in doing something which i could & should have done well.
my happiness..

i can be very happy at this minute..
but break down & cry out at the next minute.

i don even know what's happening to me.
e more i cant expect the others to know my situation & understand me.

i seek for my concentration & focus.
i long for my own happiness.

i have no life at all.
its furthermore worse than BORED.
my life is probably worse than hell.

guess i have almost reached the highest level of being so sad that i couldnt shed any tears.

if one day "U" could actually see my tears..
will you lend me a crying shoulder?

or would i be alone somewhere in the darkest corner where no one will notice?

i need a doctor who can heal me.
otherwise i will go insane soon.

baby,
do u actually know how i felt now?
i need a crying shoulder thou i couldnt give u any reason.
i dono why i'm so depressed.
i don wanna be alone.
i'm really afraid.

something could be wrong with me.

monday is gone like this.

worked full shift today..
abit tired..
tried to keep myself occupied all day long.

baby bought me to macpherson area to meet his bestest buddy.."xiaozhu" aka "小猪"!
till now..
i only met him for the first time in SG.
most of the times are in JB...baby's hometown.
had my supper..
spicy chilli chicken..
damn spicy..
real shiok!
i ask for it.
cos i requested them to put more dried chilli padi!
i never regret at all.

left about 12plus..
reach home at 12.45am.

face-booking for awhile & here i am updating now.
nth much to add on at this moment.
perhaps i'm tired already..
cant tink of anything to add on.
alright.
gotta lie on my bed & wait for my baby's call.

nitex.

sian-sation

have been terribly busy..
hectic schedule.

i'm down with flu & cough.
baby was worse than me..
he's down with fever, flu & cough as well.
i guess its the 3 popiah he ate that causes him to have sore throat.

so tired recently..
many things happened for no reason.
eek*

well..
i had to take it in my stride.]
no other choices for me now.
endure!

baby just reach home..
shall wait for his call..
guess not so soon..
cos he really loves to slack around after his shower before calling me.

i'm getting tired of everything around me.
wishing that i do not need to do anything at this moment.

i need a break soon.
seriously need a break!

i wanna leave SG!