a feeling which could not be described unless u experience it like i do.

hope my dad's operation goes well.

i wanna bring my dad overseas this year.
i promised.

i will save as much as i can.
i promised.

i lost my mum.
pls don give me the feeling of losing both parents at this age of mine.

i am so envy of the others.
they have both parents with them.
they can get scoldings..

why cant i?
why cant i have it too?

am i born to have such a hard life?
why am i always feeling depressed?

suddenly i realised all my smiles shown are getting lesser.
in fact,
i'm sorry to reveal that most of them are fake.
i'm not happy at all.

i just don wanna show out my emotions unless i, myself lost control.

i have been crying everyday.
but i don even know why.

when i see my dad..
the more he pretended like nth.
the more i felt so much like hell.

i want a happy family..
but i will nvr get to have it again.

somehow,
i felt my spirit is locked elsewhere in other world.
i lost myself away..
my concentration..
my focus in doing something which i could & should have done well.
my happiness..

i can be very happy at this minute..
but break down & cry out at the next minute.

i don even know what's happening to me.
e more i cant expect the others to know my situation & understand me.

i seek for my concentration & focus.
i long for my own happiness.

i have no life at all.
its furthermore worse than BORED.
my life is probably worse than hell.

guess i have almost reached the highest level of being so sad that i couldnt shed any tears.

if one day "U" could actually see my tears..
will you lend me a crying shoulder?

or would i be alone somewhere in the darkest corner where no one will notice?

i need a doctor who can heal me.
otherwise i will go insane soon.

baby,
do u actually know how i felt now?
i need a crying shoulder thou i couldnt give u any reason.
i dono why i'm so depressed.
i don wanna be alone.
i'm really afraid.

something could be wrong with me.