going thru the worst moment in life

i'm going thru all my worst moments in my life now.
feeling real miserable.


those moments i had are gone.
all gone.
no matter how much i tried..
i still failed terribly.
i dono wats seriously wrong with me..


i'm just very depressed.

the feeling is just so different.

2years can make a big difference to my life.
lotsa things came & go..
changes are happening w/o me noticing.

i guess ppl can really realise e real meaning of cherish when they have lost it.

& i am the one.

fear is all i had.


it seems like i cant move on any further.
something is stopping me from moving on.


kenji says its me who stopped myself from moving on.

perhaps i am nvr a good gf all along.

kenji..
i need u terribly.
no one else except u understand me more than everyone else does.


he tot i'm throwing tantrum.
he tot i'm just attracting his attention.
he always think tat i'm showing him my patterns.
he nvr bothers about wat i feel.
he nvr cares how i tink.
i'm nvr right..cos i'm always wrong.
i'm always childish in his eyes.
i'm so selfish to him.


is this his way to show me that he's tired?
or to let me know he's no longer bothered in this r/s?


i'm in a daze..
sitting infront of the com..
but my spirit seems to be travelling to somewhere else.


nth can buy memories.
all i can do is to remember all the happy moments.
pls dont cheat me like how my ex does..
cos thats e most sensitive issue.
i won't be able to take it anymore.
cos u're the one who pulled me away from my ex.
u're the one who promised me tt u wouldnt be like him.


i'm reaching the end of everything.

i might collapse soon.
anytime.
tears running low.
heart beating as if it's so reluctant to continue beating anymore.