sadden

suppose to be working now..
but tummy ache like hell.
took the day off.
dear went st james with friends.
i am just the ODD one left...

i went home.

pain. pain. pain.
later going down to see doctor.

siew choo sent me a sms saying..
"let us enjoy e last moments of 2006 wif our loved ones."

i so feel like replying her...
how can i enjoy when my loved ones isn't with me but enjoying with friends totally forgotten about me?

sadden.
new year eve is gone like that.
spent alone like this...
rather be working...
i so wish i am working with my colleages now!
at least i am smiling...
but my tummy doesn't wanna listen to me.

you can always realise something when things happen......

i am never yours.
never did you want me to be yours all along.
i don't seem to have any place in your heart..
i love you so much but yet i couldn't feel any love from you as day passes.
i am so not important at all.
u never seem to cherish me.

well..
perhaps i am just not good enough for u.


i so wish to tell you that i really wanna spend the last few moments of 2006 with u..
i so wanna watch fireworks with u!!
but i will never get the chance.

tears flowed.
:'(

gloomy day

i feel so alone.
not feeling well.
tummy ache.
ouch*

dear went out with friends just now..
wanted to tell him about this..
but guess it wasn't important to him.
maybe tell him on sat when i see him ba.
he seems so sian also..
nvm.
the most i can keep it to myself.

hope everything will goes smoothly for me.
my health is some sort going downhill.
personal*

today work BAR.
quite relax la..
bad weather..
not much customers also.
left exactly at 11pm.
sam was off today.
thank god.
nth much le.

slping now.
bye.

moments worth remembering in my heart

mentioning that i was waiting for him throughout the whole night in my previous blog..

i went to slp after updating my blog.

Zzzzzz...

he called me at around 8am+++ to say he just reach home.

i was asking him why he didn't give me a call when he knows he's going to stay longer.

was kinda fed up on the phone la..

so i just said to him..

u go slp first lor..i will come in the afternoon.

then he said he want me to accompany him slp.

i was like ...

dono wat else to add on.

i feel like i'm more obedient like a dog.

don think so?

forget about that.

at least he still bothers to make me happy.

we went to rest awhile..

but i nvr get to slp at all..

maybe cos of the rush here and there..

my body was awake liao.

went jurong point to have lunch.

delifrance.

haix.

service sucks like siao.

slackers all around.

omg.

nth much.

went home again..

slack awhile den go out.

YES!

dear dear bringing me out to have steamboat.

i wanna have it so long ago liao..

took cab down to PS...

raining cats & dogs!!!

bought the 11.20pm tickets first..

watching Death Note II.

then go walk around searching places to have dinner.

quite packed at everywhere la..

XMAS EVE ma...

so happy lor.

so long nvr go out during xmas eve..

always work work work...

this year finally can go out with the one i loved the most.

we went to sakae sushi in the end.

i have paper steamboat that xmas eve.

nice..

feel so warming to have something hot during a cold day especially with a special someone..

just love this special guy,

NG J.H

still have lotsa time after dinner.

went arcade..

wasting time..

at last..

time was finally crawling to 11.10pm.

then bought food & drinks before proceeding to cinema.

movie starts.

not bad la..

worth it.

long movie..

show ended at 2.00am.

2.5 hrs of show.

lolx.

almost wanna drift to dreamland..

took cab back home again...

reached home at around 2.45am?

slp slp slp.

________________________________________

woke up at 12pm+++ ba..

dear ordered oishi pizza.

had the kimchee chicken while he had the beef...

no programs on xmas.

stayed at home.

so tired also..

around 6pm..

dear slept first.

contagious..

i wanted to just slp awhile then watch tv.

but in the end..

i woke up at 9pm.

woke dear up also.

watch tv again..

then feel hungry..

went down to have our late dinner or supper i should say..

........

watch tv again........

then slp.

dear fall aslp quite soon ar?

i only managed to fall aslp at 3am+++

woke up at 5.30am cos dear gotta go for work.

raining ..

cold manx*

took train back..

dear left at jurong station.

still got long way to tiong bahru.

listen music :))

wanted to walk home..

but raining la..

then took bus.

some gals were shivering cos they nvr wear jacket.

walk extremely fast back home.

got a lil drenched.

slept all the way till 2pm..

and now i am updating this super long blog.

haha*

wonderful times always passed damn fast.

tml..

i am gonna start work again!

sucks!

i am working 5days straight nxt week!

sian la.

this week sun will be the new year eve.

manx..

gotta work.

sure end super late.

well..

time to end here.

wanna change blogskin.

will update soon.

sad like hell..

i waited and waited..
but he never called me at all.

disappointed.
but i'm waiting..
pat kor & bin kor accompany me till 4.00am.
thanks to both of them.

thought he will called me at ard 2-3 plus..
but end up..
waiting and waiting endlessly..

my heart is crying.
does he know i'm waiting for him?
even if he's not gonna meet..
why cant he just gimme a quick call to let me know not to wait for him?
is it my fault?
am i stupid to wait endlessly for him?

reached home at 4.30am.

i am still waiting..

its now 5.46am.

reaching 6am le..

waited whole night for him.

pat said i am so silly.

am i really that silly?

i'm breaking down..

the only reason for me to hold & cling on is my love for him.

my LOVE for him.

this is the only reason which makes me strong thou i'm falling..

bad gal

i am so bad.
i love him..
yet i caused him big trouble.
he's so sad now.
no mood for everything like that.

sorry.sorry.sorry.
i didn't mean it.
and yet i caused it.
i caused all this.

i am such a nuisance.
i feel like a jinx.

feel like he's having bad luck after being with me.
not good things..
but all bad stuffs.

mixed feelings

today went anna's daddy wedding..
so happy for them.
made me so wanna get married too.
lolx*

took some pics in the london cab..
haha*
was lucky to get it.
so comfy.

______________________________

i miss my dear dear...
did he miss me too?

i love u.
i so wish to cya tml night...

sicky

headache.
stomach ache.

miserable.
boring.

waiting for time to reach 5pm.
then gotta bathe & meet dear.

fcuk it.
i'm broke again.
sian.
but i am willing to be broke this time.
its a different feeling.
cos i managed to help out a lil while.
its ok.

he has spent lotsa money on me too.

i'm happy then can liao.

aiyo.
dear just called me.
asking whether wanna movie..
Curse Of The Golden Flower.

ok lor.
watch lor.
msg him the time liao.
waiting for his reply.
k.
i now go play game.

wanna enjoy like siao.
before i starting work in 2 weeks time.
my longest break ever in Via Mar.

love it.
but no money.
gonna pia work on jan liao.
cos wanna buy clothes...

still searching for my PINK puma watch.
my top priority!

weird feeling

i don't seem to feel the right way.

we don't seem to be sweet anymore.
getting dull.

"am i the only one feeling this way?"
its like i'm the only one wanting to be ........
one-man show?
topics are changed whenever i mention i'm ........
sounds like i am so "don't want face" like that.
very hurting lor.

i hope not.
i hope i am wrong.
pls let it be wrong.
if not..i will be real damn sad.

no more bitter tea for me.
i had enough.
its real miserable.


P.S: ... above means i don't wish to mention it out

i am so bad.

i am so damn bad.
stay away from me.

i am irresponsible.
very bad.

26.12.06

a sunny day ahead.
a special day for a special one i love dearly.

HAPPIE 21st BIRTHDAY my dear!
i love u lots lots.

thou he's just very near me..
just had the feeling of blogging rigt now.

wasn't in time to wish him at 12am sharp.
reached about 12plus..
cos me & anna couldn't catch a cab.
waited so long at Pan Pacific Hotel just for a cab.

when i reached his house..
nicky, his doggie welcomed me..
really~~~
followed me all the way to dear's room..
staring at him..
seems like he's wanting to wish dear a very happy birthday.
lolx*
lame?

i hope dear will like the wallet i bought for him.
he just change to the wallet i have bought.
now we are using the same brand of wallet.
but obviously,
his wallet is much more nicer than me.

____________________________________________________________

i no longer care anymore.
too tired.
too painful.
getting numb.
no one knows except me, myself.
no one else will know anyway cos i will never let it out.