心里有很多的为什么。。。

我相信每个感情都需要安全感。
我却没了安全感！
我只是要听你的解释。。
但你骂我。。
你竟然说你不要再见到我了。。
好吧。。
但你不知道。。
在这一年半载，
你已经对我说了无数的不想见到我。
我也受到了无数的伤害。

你因为生气就不理会我没了安全感的心情。
你因为烦就骂我。
我都不知道你再烦些什么。。
刚才半途中，
眼泪一直流。。
脑袋空空。
只想要哭。。
看到别的情侣手拉手走在一起，
我的心更是碎了！

我没生气。
难道吃醋都有错吗？
为什么我和别的女人相差那么远？
她们都幸福快乐。。
那些幸福小女人得到的宠爱真是多到很令人羡慕！

那我呢？
我为什么得不到我想要的宠爱？
为什么我想要你给我多一点点的注意力但最后只换来被挨骂的后果？
我需要的关心和宠爱最后换来的是你的不理睬。
我是女人。
这些都是我必须拥有的!
我这样的想法有错吗？

我的感冒越来越糟糕！
已经快要两个星期了。。
没变化就算了。。
可是为什么越变越惨！？

为什么我会落到这个地步？

难道我这辈子都不会拥有一个对我死心塌地的人吗？

tired. tired. tired.

went wif baby to have our typhoid injection.
oh..
its kinda painful.
no more strength to carry heavy stuffs after that.
tot it wun be busy..
but..
i was so so so wrong lor!
today was so busy like hell.
sales today quite good.
but we are so shag after everything.
working opening tml..
sianx.
hopefully time passes faster.
cos i'll be finishing at 6pm tml!
wee*

i will be busy ba..
gotta interview someone in e afternoon.
den carry on with my checklist.
after that..
go home!

opps.
cannot.
i need to shop for a bag!
my bag is spoilt!
i need a new bag desperately!
omg*
i hope i can find a bag which i really like & useful for me..
cos i have lotsa rubbish to put inside!
lolx*

ok.
gotta end here for now.
i am damn damn damn tired.

loves..

today's dinner was very slow.
sianx.
working with teppy & juan.

since they are hungry..
so i ordered fish noodles & frog leg claypot rice for e 3 of us to share.
but too bad..
when we finish our closing..
e fish noodles turned cold.
but its still yummy-licious.
e rice is so fragrant!

a small lil treat for them once a while..
my pocket is still managable.
hang on..
i only treat those who helped me when i need help the most.
whoever can work..whoever cant work..whoever is lazy..
i knew it.
i just kept quiet.
thats all.

ppl like judy & teppy, my 2 precious service crews..
they are my 2 vietnamese darlings.
of cos..not forgetting juan, my all-time full timer service crew as well..
she help me most of e time when i needed.

million of thanks to them.
when i am really busy wif tons of paperwork waiting for me to be done..
they are those who help me look after e rest without me worrying about anything like disappearing elsewhere.
they understood my stress & workload.
thats one of e reason why i am so willing to fork out some money to give them a lil treat.
i am happy to treat them.
after all..
they will be happy too :)

when those ppl are happy..
i will be happy too.
i can always depend on them.

one day if i leave e company..
i will miss them loads.

[[pics uploaded]]

ok.
some pics posted.
i know..
supposed to be few weeks ago..
well.
u guys who knew me should know how busy i am with my workload.
those pics were taken on the night when we went to timbre.
was so high that day!
thanks to rach darling who intro me to drink erdinger.
shiok.
so smooth.
damn nice to slp after that.
was so high after 2 rounds.
even pat korkor said i lost my drinking skills.


love triangle? lolx.


our ah pat korkor~


our weibin korkor~


i <3 her, my rach darling


after our rounds of erdinger..i'm getting high high high~


even higher~~~


i think its her turn to be high~

i am so sick these few days.
bad cough.
bad flu.
argh.
plus the 1 hr++ working under heavy rain made my cough & flu worse.
sucks.
nose blocked.
voice changed.
sb sianx.

i guess i am going to be a marketing assistant soon..
happy or sad?
sorry..
i dont know.

heartbroken.

i am so sad today.
here it goes..
i reported at vl at 8am today.
of cos..
some staffs are late.
my dearest staff, judy, went thru something which made my heart totally shattered.
no one can imagine how i feel.

she was told by "HER" to do clearing under the rain.
its not light drizzling.
its heavy rain!
omgness*
she was all alone standing outside to do clearing.
she was crying alone outside.
no one even notice.
i failed to notice until OM told me.
wtf*

i felt like a failure.
i failed to protect my staff welfare.
i totally failed as a head.

my feeling sucks.
judy cried.
juan cried.
i even cried.
it was like wtf!

i need someone to talk to..
where is the "someone"?

wishing cigarette

finally back home.
did nth much these few days.
my special day was gone just like that.
oh well.
no point talkin about it le.

tummy aching like hell.
whole body stil weak.
strength not totally back yet.
head is like so floating away..

i believed in lotsa things.
eg. like wat rach darling did..
a wishing cigarette!
oh well.
pls don laugh at her ok~
i didnt believe it at 1st.
but now..
i actually did this foolish thingy & make a foolish wish.

come to think of it..
when u're desperately hoping for something which is not easy to come by..
every chances are gonna be your hope right?

ok.
yes..
i didnt wish for striking 4D or have lotsa money lor.
i wished for..
stopped`
my wish is a secret.
its a very simple wish.

ppl who noes me well shud be able to guess it out.
& i noe the 1st person to guess it correct will be my bestest budd till my last breath..
the person is..
Yamada Kenji
武内幸 田野!

u're the one who knows me the best throughout my whole entire life.
ppl always mistaken us as a couple.
but..
we are not in love.
not now..not in e future.

kenji is in a relationship.
i am in a relationship too.
BUT..
we are not tgt in a relationship.
we are just the bestest budd in life which ppl envy our friendship.

ok.
i shud end here now.
gonna rest 1st..

tonight might be meeting mich for dinner @ raffles city.
if so..
i will tabao some yummy food for my baby adam.

P.S: mich..i so gonna hate u..cos u always last min call me de! u nb!

nb.no brains.idiotic asshole.

stupid om..
so stupid..
no brains.
nb.

today damn tired.
suddenly busy during dinner time.
that women made me so pissed off.
who u tink u are..
hypocrite.
i had enuff of u ok!
idiotic asshole.

wee*

haha.
i am working now.
yet i am surfing..
no guest de..
sb sianx.
jus now teach juan do cocktail teach until i wanna vomit blood liao.
she drop this drop that..
funny..
omgness*
wanna laugh oso cannot laugh.

ok.
don talk liao.
shall continue my work..
finish up my inventory.
cya~

:)

田野回来了！
还好我们的横滨没什么受到影响。。
担心死我了。。
谢谢你，田野！
多亏你一直帮我~
我没办法回去！
真是糟糕！

田野，
我知道谁想我了！
当然。。
我知道不会是你啦！
你心里也只有美雪！
你最好赶紧把她追回来啦！
别以为我不知道。。
nicholas和michelle都告诉我了。。
哈哈！
加油哦！
我等你的好消息。。
美雪注定是跟定你了！

我最近好惨。。
你都不知道！
做什么都不顺利！
这几天一直用眼泪洗脸！
真惨！

我是故意用华文写的。。
因为你每次都来这里偷看我现在的人生进展！
所以啊。。

你大概只看懂你自己的名字吧！
我懂。。
你一定会叫nicholas一字不漏地讲给你听！
没关系。
反正我也不是说你的坏话！
你一定很惊讶吧。。
我的华文进步了很多对吗？
我有太多华文老师正在努力教导我~~~
我的华文程度已经不像两年前了！

好了。。
我还是去睡觉了。。
不然老得快就没人要咯！

blank mind.

i am so sad.
no one cares for me.
i stared at the screen.
mind is blank.
tears keep flowing.

he got me.
now he doesnt cherish me.
i knew the reason.
we are drifting apart.

he left.
he didnt turn back.
i guess so.
my heart knows the answer already.

tears flowed.

shagged von

my eyes are closing..
swollen & puffy.
lack of sleep.
lack of time for lotsa stuffs.

i wanna go timbre enjoy a yummylicious session with my rach darling..
finally remember.
shall ask her tml.
wee*
i wanna have pizzas..
i love pizzas.
omg*
i wanna eat.
i am so so so hungry.
its been ages since i enjoyed my dinner.
i wanna have a big buffet feast.

nth has been going smoothly for me.
everything is haywired.
wth.

tired of shits.

i bought my TSGS vol.18 liao!
i saw my own story!
omg*
i saw my name printed under the winners column!
i still cant believe it.

tml working 1030am-1030pm.
12hrs straight shift.
wonder how am i gonna pass time tml..
function tml.
damn sianx.
why function forever nvr ending de?
i hate all these.
omg*

everytime sure get scolding.
so sick & tired!

i hate the gal!

hurted.

why do this to me?
cant u tell me straight?
why must get someone else to tell me.
ok.
i will stop all this.
i said i hate liars.
now u are the one who let my tears flowed.
i can no longer give my trust to anyone.

i dont even believe myself now.
i'm so freakin dead now.

and the miss vietnamese is driving me mad.

Christian - The Lion

a very touching short video~
hope u all like it.
i cried while watching this.
its so meaningful..
omgness*
i am really a crybaby.
oh well..
who cares!?
thats me.

cheerios~

omgness*
i cant believe it!
i won a $70 cheque!
i wrote in a story couple of months ago to Russell Lee in the Singapore True Ghost Stories.
and i cant believe that i won!
my story will be published in the Singapore True Ghost Stories Volume 18!
i am so so so shocked & happie!
i so wanna buy the volume 18 soon..
i nvr expected myself to be chosen!
that moment..
i thought of writing in for fun..
trying my luck only..
yesyesyes*

argh*
so surprised!
yvonne..
u are so lucky~~~

i will crack my brains & kill my millions of brain cells again when i'm free.

congrats yvonne!
u have done well~

ok.
enuff of praising myself.

i was damn tired today.
due to function.
plus my braces giving me a hard time.
ytd jus put it on..
was my first day.
today was like..
no mood for anything.
getting tighter & tighter..
cant eat alot.
ok.
this time i am sure i can slim down.
cheerios*

tml can rest le.
hopefully not busy.
well..
thats about all for today.
i am going off now.
nitex.