_ .the words left unsaid. _

CNY Day 2

2012-01-24T18:45:00.001+08:00

失踪了一年多。。
我又回来了！

我的大年初二 = 闷

人家都是开开心心度过新年。
除了我。

其实我是很希望能够从你口中听到那句话。。
可是你始终还是没说。。
我想我大概是等不到你的那句话了。
已经等了三年了。。
结果等来的都是失望收场。

我为什么还是那么笨笨得等下去？
明知道是不会有机会的。。

人就是这样，
明知道期待也是空等待。。
但还是会愿意等下去。

有时候一个人想想，
自己真的有那么野蛮吗？
得不到的东西却还那么执著。。
是固执性让自己变得很不开心吗？

很多时候认为自己是对的。。
反而被别人说自己是任性，蛮不讲理，要求太高。。

我的要求真的造成一种很大的压力吧。。
对不起。

当我决定再次写网上日记的时候，
我已经认定很多心里话再也不适合说出来。
还是不说最好。。
说了又会吵架。。
留在心里才是最安全的。。

心里的种种疑问永远会是一个谜。

Genting Trip 29.09.2010 - 30.09.2010

2010-10-09T00:19:00.004+08:00

me & Rach had thisn shot inside the toilet.

Julie's daughter, Miss Beautiful Charmaine

Shihua & me had this self shot while sitting at the reception table.

finally had the time to upload these latest pics.
didnt had the time to update after Genting trip.
its fun afterall.
been so long since i had a holiday with baby..
although its damn short!
how i wish it could be longer~!
nvm.
its the quality time that we spent together..
i really cherished those moments.

lost RM200 in casino lor!
nb.
but nvm.
baby won!~
im contented as long as he's happy.

spend another night at baby's hometown after we departed from Genting.
dyed & highlighted my hair on the next day.
after that..
went back to JB!
baby had his shower..
he put his car for washing while we enjoyed supper.

not long after..
i gotta go back home.
back to the reality.
back to the stressful SG.
damn!

had such a good sleep till saturday afternoon.
& its Patrick & Onusa's WEDDING NIGHT!

alright.
enuff of typing.

shall jump to my bed now & have my beauty sleep!

pics below taken during my departure in the coach bus.
enjoy...

i'm back!!!

2010-09-27T01:29:00.002+08:00

yes. yes. yes.
i went into MIA mode for 2mths plus.

busy mugging with my projects & stuffs.

i've been terribly busy with my uni life & struggling with my full-time job.
but still, i need money to roll into my pocket so as to survive!

2 more days of work in order to enjoy my 5days of leave.

will be going to Genting with baby & his mum.

my planned schedule goes like this for the week.
28/9 ~
finish work at 6pm.
will rush home to clean my floor before i go JB with baby.
29/9-30/9 ~
enjoying in Genting.
1/10 ~
i will suntan myself like a red lobster.
shall dye & highlight my hair after a swim.
2/10 ~
gonna attend patrick's wedding.
3/10 ~
will rest at home & complete some of my household chores.
4/10 ~
back to work again.

shitty stuffs

2010-07-23T19:36:00.001+08:00

SIAN.

i'm sick of all these already.
going thru all these mess for the past 10 years!

ENOUGH!

really heartbroken this time...

2010-06-20T01:07:00.003+08:00

another shitty month of mine...

i cried.
yes.
cried AGAIN.
cried really hard this month.
it happened last month.
& it happened again this month.

WTF is wrong recently manx!?

have u ever thought that i've been looking forward to this day every month?
did u ever noticed how much u've neglected me for all e negative feelings that i'm having for the past few days?
do u know how disappointed i am?
do u know all e unhappiness that i'm having...?
did u feel how i felt about this?
can u feel e way that i felt ion e beginning?

i wish i could just voice it out to u just right in front of ur face..
somehow, i guess its better for me to write it here now..
for now i know..in ur mind, it could be another round of bullshitting from me to u again.

PHEW...

2010-05-23T21:36:00.002+08:00

finally finished my LITE assignment!
oh yes!
at least one is done.

now rushing out another two assignment!
terrible thing!

omgness!
i'm so tired already!
spent the whole afternoon finishing LITE online!
walao!
i can't believe i spent almost 5hrs on my chair with my both eyes focused on the screen!
serves me right!
now i'm having headache.
i really deserves it.

ok.
gotta be a good girl & continue reading my article!

BYE.

绝望了。。

2010-05-18T22:50:00.002+08:00

我一次又一次给自己信心。。
一次又一次相信你。。
但是结果还是一样。
又是另一个空等待。

我不敢再相信你了。。
每一次的相信都成为了失望。。

STRESS

2010-05-10T01:13:00.003+08:00

so tired..

im still so stressed.

guanjen better ring me tml once he call Sue..

oh manx.

suddenly feel so bad to abandon kangjing alone for bridging..

but im just so NOOB in maths-related stuffs.

i rather read & read & read!

haix.

sianx la.

no mood to do anything.

reading the 17-page of my assignment seriously driving me nuts.
its not difficult to finish reading ok.
lotsa of understanding is the most crucial point.
thats the main point of assignment.

oh manx!
i need a break.

i have no time for anything.

btw,
i must thank DADDY for buying me a new laptop.
I LOVE U, DADDY!

losing my sense of direction..

2010-05-08T21:46:00.003+08:00

i felt so unwell after class.
wonder if its because of the subject that i attended today.

im overloaded with statistics.
oh god.
this is not funny at all.
seriously giving me a terrible headache.
& my head is still turning round & round..
suppose to revise thru wat the lecturer has said today..
but because of e headache..
i laid on my sofa till now.
had a cold shower but it doesnt help at all.

im wondering if i should drop marketing management & just focus on psychology..

haix.
im so confused now.

thank god that i found 2 valuable friends that will be going thru psychology with me.
& they are Kang Jing & Guanjen..
they are really nice classmates of mine.
i will be so sad to leave them if im gonna drop marketing unit.

suddenly dono wat i want now..
dono where e hell im going to..
lost my sense of direction in life.
this feeling is definitely not a good thing.
& im feeling like hell now..
figuring if i want or not!?

FREAK!

my brain juice is currently out of stock.
all because of statistics.
dammit*

all i need now are support & encouragement from my loved ones.
not quarrels.
not arguments.
not misunderstandings.

baby,
i really need your support & encouragement badly at this moment.
i feel like breaking down anytime any moment.

ok.
shall sleep now to reproduce my brain juice for tml's statistics war!

god..pls bless me.
pls keep me wide awake so that i can concentrate all the way from 9am-6pm!

terrible life..

2010-05-08T01:25:00.002+08:00

so stress up with weekly assignments & coming presentations!
omgness!
damn it manx.
no more freedom liao lor!

this week im fully booked with work & school.

lets see..

Monday 3 May
11am-6pm @work.
7pm-10pm @school.

Tuesday 4 May
11am-3pm @work.
7pm-10pm @ school.

Wednesday 5 May
11am-6pm @ work.
7pm-10pm @ school.

Thursday 6 May
11am-3pm @ work.
6pm-10.30pm @ work.

Friday 7 May
11am-5.30pm @ work.
met up with Kang Jing for dinner - centrepoint entrance @ 6pm.
6.30pm-10pm @ school.

Saturday 8 May
9am-6pm @ school for business statistics.
after that gotta rush home for a shower & meet baby for our movie session.

Sunday 9 May
9am-6pm @ school for business statistics AGAIN!

see how busy i am..?!

next week will be WORSE THAN EVER!

i will probably drop dead on 14 May which is definitely not a TGIF for me!

Business Statistics FINAL EXAM at 7pm-10pm.
& the next day will be..
9am-6pm for BUSINESS ACCOUNTING!

ARGH!
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT!

UNIVERSITY LIFE is definitely not a great thing at all.
there's nothing except STRESS!

ok..
i have to sleep now!
have to wake up at 7am SHARP tml!

nitex.
wish me luck manx!

NOTHING!

2010-05-01T00:31:00.002+08:00

piangx!
damn sianx la.
really nothing also become something!

omgness!

im really innocent.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
really nothing.

why cant u just believe!?

don make it seems like there's something when there's actually nothing at all.

yippee!

2010-04-30T00:27:00.002+08:00

woohoo*
baby is bringing me to mac for supper..
wee*

i've been waiting so long for that.
finally..
but we will have to walk there.
no riding..
cos he's lazy..
he don wanna climb few more storeys up if its occupied.
oh well..
thinkin of it..
its good too.
so i don need to climb so many stairs tml!

school is really tiring & full of stress.
my school lecturer - Ms Geraldine O'Brien is really....
omgness!
her english is so so so damn chim for me to understand.
lucky i got a new friend..
gonna meet her on monday at dhoby gaunt so that we can walk there together.
as well as familarise myself with the routes.

oh yes.
forgot to mention her name..
she's none other than Kang Jing.
e surprising thing was..
she is taking bachelor degree at the age of 20!
incredible manx.

alright.
shall end here now.

byebye.

idiotic FREAKING day!

2010-04-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

have been wondering if i should just chop my hair short again..
or should i just be a lil more patient for my hair to grow even longer..
have been wondering if i will regret again..

but its very irritating!
hair length is currently at my neck & shoulder..
causing my back so many tiny pimples!
so frustrating!

today is really not my day manx!
so irritated by someone.
nabei*
its as if im working alone!
already so tired..
yet i have to get all this shit.
just one big "HUH"from u thoroughly spoils my entire mood.
piangx!
there goes my temper!
arghh*

wateva la..
i very tired to say anything liao.

will stop here for now.

shaggy von.

2010-04-17T21:57:00.002+08:00

walao.
cleaning up my entire room really freak me out!
i din realise i have so much rubbish!
furthermore,
now i know i have a number of bags!
omgness.

now my room is so clean after 4hrs!
vacuum & mop my entire house as well..
takes me 1hour!
maybe im kinda slow.
very picky..
die die must make sure its really clean!

im totally shagged now.

gotta get ready to go out.

will be meeting up with Bai Qin, ah jui, ian, ah soon & my baby for STEAMBOAT later!
im craving for super duper spicy soup base!
i guess only me & BQ will enjoy!
the rest of the guys will go for the non-spicy soup.
so boring!
no kick de!

baby will be fetching me after work.
but before that,
i advised him to have his shower first.
cos his whole body sure very sticky after a whole day work inside the kitchen.

okok.
i need to have my shower now.

cya guys.

shitty day!

2010-04-14T23:32:00.002+08:00

had a really bad day.
went for supper with baby, ian & soon.
noticed my righty gums are abit swollen after my fav viet coffee.
but its not painful at all.
until i start eating,
the pain comes.
swollen bum is becoming bigger.

sucks manx i tell u!

this morning was worse than ever.
i cant even close my mouth properly.
even swallowing my saliva causes so much discomfort.

wanted so much to drink just plain water is hell for me.
not only my gums.

even my throat is giving me tons of trouble.
ended up with less than half a bowl of porridge this morning.

the thing was..
i am so super duper hungry.

was busy the whole morning.
not even a minute of free time for me to take a sip of water.
bombed all the way till 2.30pm ++!
finally i started washing glasses.
had my second bowl of porridge which is equivalent to 1 bowl of it.

went to SLEEP right away.
when i woke up at 5pm..
finish the remaining portion of the porridge.
& yes..
the pain is somehow better..
at least i can finally close my poor mouth.

had our briefing at 5.45pm...
im lucky.

my first guests came exactly at 6pm!
& again..
big bomb again!
busy again..
only get to have my first sip of water at 8.30pm..
got my chance to enter the washroom at 9pm!
so urgent manx!
imagine i already feel like going at 7pm!?
& i can totally forgot that i am very urgent cos im so busy!

until 10pm when i finish work..
finally get to see my mobile phone..
saw baby's sms..

SO SWEET of him to get "gui ling gao" for me cos of my extreme heaty body that causes my gums to swell!
the feeling is fantastic lor.

this is the first time he got soemthing for me when im unwell.

thats why the feeling is so shiok.

tml working full shift already.
will be back to vm liao.

i will miss my viet coffeeeeeeee!

alright.
i shall stop here for now.

will be back soon for updates if any.

goodnight everyone.

stupid headache & idiotic gastric

2010-04-10T01:05:00.002+08:00

我的头很痛。。

最讨厌头痛！

胃也不舒服!

wth manx!?~

i so wanna sleep..
but my headache is giving me so much trouble.
so wanna pop a sleeping pill & sleep thru the whole night.

but guess better not.
wait till i really really need it.

already got headache..
& now my gastric is giving me problems at this time.

this is damn shit ok!

tml working morning shift.
damn hate the feeling of sleepy-ness now!
sick of waking up in e morning reluctantly..!
e feeling sucks to the core!

oh manx*
i better force myself to sleep now.

waiting for my pay cheque..
im very broke already!

i'm a sleepy head!

2010-04-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

i've been sleeping the whole day on this boring sunday!
nvr even step out of the house.
nvr done any housework which i promised myself that i wanna clean the floor!

so lazy..
so moody..
comfy weather!

baby & me slept at 2.30am yesterday.
he woke up at 10am to go work.
bo bian!
i have to wake up & close the door.
went back to sleep.
& again..
i thought i can wake up can 12.30pm plus..
but no!
i woke up at 2.30pm!

watched tv..
& the stupid thing was..
i felt sleepy again..
fell asleep at ard 6.30pm..
eyes open at 7pm.

that means my potato-couching on my sofa ends at 7pm..
& AGAIN..
the worst thing was..
i went back to my room.
SLEEP AGAIN!
i covered my whole head underneath my mickey & minnie comforter!
CONFIRM + Guaranteed CHOP...
i fell deep asleep within 1 minute.

& i woke up at 10pm...
have my shower..
halfway thru my shower..
baby reached my house liao!

funniest thing again..
i'm feeling sleepy le..
i'm going back to SLEEP!

tml working full shift anyway!

alright.
nth much for me to add on at this moment.

nitex.

我对宝贝的爱。。

2010-03-30T01:11:00.003+08:00

没有人可以阻挡我对黄成华的爱。。

我不会因为任何事影响到我们之间的三年一个月的感情。。

我们在一起走过的风风雨雨。。
不管未来会有什么狂风暴雨。。
我们都会一起度过。。
彼此成为彼此的屋顶和避风港。
彼此成为彼此的温暖。
是没有人可以代替的。。
因为我不会让任何人取代他的位置！
我的心也容不下其他人。
除了我的宝贝。。
黄成华！

我只爱他。。

他就是。。

黄成华！

newly pics

2010-03-25T01:04:00.003+08:00

latest pic taken last week with my dearest niece, rachel.
heavy rain that day..
she's wearing that barbie doll pinkie raincoat.
was alone with her..
thought i wouldnt be able to handle her "stunts"!
but surprisingly,
she was so obedient.
i was damn shocked.

HERE GOES THE BABY SUCKLING PIGGY!

now i realise my photography skills aint bad at all.
in fact,
im getting more & more better at it.
haha*
guess i got my practicing by helping the guest to take pics.

yes.
its true.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!

thats all i have got for now.

will be back for new updates.
cya everybody.
nitex.

boredd.

2010-03-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

so boring.

baby is slping like a dead log!
play texas poker play until sianx liao!
already very stone-ed.

tml working 11-6!
yippee!

the main troublesome thing is..
i do not have any plans for tml with baby!
cos baby's working 11-5!
nabei*
how come he can be earlier than me?

hmm..
i wish i can feel slpy now..
so that i can join baby as well.
guess he will slp till tml liao!
argh*

wat can i do now?
tell me pls..

im so boredd!
no games are attracting my attention!

come on!

omgness*

又打回原形。。

2010-03-22T00:08:00.003+08:00

我真的跟他一点关系都没有！
你为什么不相信？
我都已经证明给你看了。。
但你还是用这种方式对待我。。
这就是你想要的结果吗？

你每次的忽冷忽热。。
我很辛苦。。
很心碎！
你到底知不知道。。

难道我们卖的戒指一点意义都没有吗？

我不勉强你了。。
你想要怎样对我就随你吧！

我没有做什么对不起你。。
那天不是说好了吗？
一起床你又打回原形！

我很辛苦！
我哭到快要垮了！

quick updates

2010-03-20T21:33:00.002+08:00

i was terribly occupied with baby & work.
well..
at least i am happy now.

baby showered his love, care & concern to me.
maybe because of that CNY incident,
we learnt to cherish each other more ever since.

went to get our new pair of rings just 2 weeks ago.
after that we went to pizza hut @ marina square.
cant believe baby has the mood to ride his bike all the way from iluma to marina.
this is real weird cos its not his usual behaviour.
its just his cravings for pizza.
had a super big, yummy yet super duper filling meal.
we ordered a personal pan pizza & a 10-inch pizza.
im so struggling to finish it all.
& yes..
we managed to conquer the whole thingy w/o even leaving any single piece left!
furthermore,
we actually had a fried scallop for appetizer before pizza arrives!

our rings arrived the shop on 17march'2010.
too bad i gotta work the whole day.
baby gotta collect it for me.
thought that we can collect it together!
damn*

on the 18march'2010,
i gotta work the whole day..
& baby finished work at 6pm.
thought that this anniversary is a gone case again.

but this is not all.
when i reach home..
baby sms-ed me.
ask if i've eaten or not..
i said no.
he said he will eat with me then!
so i replied..
if u really eat with me,
by the time u reach..
i no need to eat also full liao!

the next minute,
i received his call.
checking if im home.
& i said yes.
he said he don believe.
so i said im really at home!
then he ask me to open the door.
so..
i really walked to the door & peeped at the door hole.
there aint anybody!
kns!

so i called him back & said there's nobody outside the door at all!
he said i nvr open the door!
ok.
so i opened the door..
he popped out from the sideways which i cant possibly see from the view of my door hole!

damn* damn* damn*
cant u imagine the happiness that i've got?!
its such a wonderful surprise.

oh well..

no words can describe how i feel now.

im super duper in love again!

felt like i have just known baby 3 years ago & it seems like we have just started in this r/s.

this feeling is wonderful.

been thru so many thunderstorms, tsunami, super freaking bad weather & so on..

glad that we are still holding on tight together.

baby is really changing for the sake of me.

i am touched.

very touched.

very very touched.

i am looking forward to a new journey of life with baby.

school will be starting on 28april'2010.
will be paying school fees on monday.
this is shit.
i am so nervous.
feeling the stress already!
i nvr feel so gan-jiong before!

i am glad that i have been accepted to take BA..
my next target is to finish this degree so that i can stop studying liao!

i must really work extremely hard cos i don wanna disappoint my dad.
furthermore,
my dad is supporting me by using his savings just for my degree!

my target now is to be more frugal!
i must do it.

smoke less!
spend less on online shopping!

现在。。
我最最最想要做的是。。
为了宝贝，
我一定要做好一个好女朋友的责任！
我要好好对待这段感情。。
我的疼爱和关心只能奉献给我最爱的成华！

因为我，
何靓怡。。爱。。黄成华！

始终还是一样。。

2010-03-06T14:58:00.002+08:00

为什么你每次有话想说但又不说。。
为什么非得等到最后一分钟才告诉我。。
你以为这样就是对的吗？
我很讨厌这种感觉。。
你知道你这样做。。
我会很难受吗！？

为什么你总是喜欢把我带到天堂又突然把拉下地狱！？

过了这次。。
我对你更加失去信心了。

跟你挂了电话后。。
我的眼泪就不受控制了。
这些你都知道吗？

你不想就说不想。。
不要拿我头痛的借口！
我不知道是不是关心。。
但对我来说都是借口！

你无法想象我现在的感受是如何的。。

你又再次让我证明我对你的想法是对的。。
“对你的期望就等于给我自己失望”

我受不了你每次最后一分钟的改变。。
我的心一次又一次被割伤。。
你对我的承诺，
我不敢再认真去期待或等待。
你对我说的话，
我也不敢再认真对待。

Pls take your time to read this...

2010-03-01T21:45:00.001+08:00

(The Irreplaceable Void)
So touching and can't resist not to share with you.
A story worth sharing...

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved wife away and very often I wonder,
how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now?
She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid.
'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work.
Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping.
So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home.
So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner.
However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid!

I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'...
a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket!
Boy, was I mad!
I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him agood spanking!
He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation: "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles.
But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around,hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.
One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return.
But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...
I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep.

Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room,and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock,but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs.

And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impressionon his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up. However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time,his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain.

But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write.

Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too! Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter,and its Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers......but alas, my son got into another trouble.

When I was about to knock off from the day's work,the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, 'I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters.
But recently, when I went back to the post box, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say......I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, ifyou have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after,he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening the letter before they turn to ash. And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy,I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams sothat I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person inyour dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appear?

After reading the letter, I can't stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children: Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be somekind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men: Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there: Beauty lies in loving yourself first.With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

bloody FEBRUARY

2010-02-02T23:01:00.002+08:00

i had a very bad day on a stupid monday blues yesterday.
vl had a set dinner event.
was busy doing set-up the whole afternoon.
but changes kept coming & things kept changing.
this is shit u know..
energy wasted.

thats not all.
tot everything's almost completed.
until when i was cutting the stupid greenie lime..
realised that the small knife is missing..
& thats my favourite knife.
so no choice right!?
i used the bloody big fruit knife.
ended up with a bloody index finger.
all becos of the slippery lime that causes the knife to slip onto my index finger.

i was damn damn damn calm enuff.
seriously!
serious okie!
i will sure scream in pain whenever i get cut by a sharp sharp knife.
but this time round,
no choice!
there's guests infront of me.
i happily showed roselle my bloody finger.

juanita saw..
again..
& she is not gentle with my bleeding wound at all.
i washed my finger in a laughing manner.
& that seriously proved that its not my usual self.
cos i will nvr do so.
hello!
its really painful okie.

i nvr had such a deep throughout the year 2009.
& yet i have a very first deepest cut on the first day of month FEB!
see how "LUCKY" can a human being be..

& the good thing now is..
my new com is finally here in my room again.
i am still not used to it.
everything needs to be configured again.
loading back all my favs music & memorable pics.
time consumed.
but its ok anyway.

i am happy with it now.

as for other matters,
i am looking it into a very positive way.
isnt it good?

trying to let myself be numbed of all those unhappiness.
this is somewhat self-protect tactic.

i have not mastered it totally.
but i will definitely give it my very best shot.

i have to end here now.

goodnight.

shitty person

2010-01-19T23:26:00.002+08:00

if i ever find out who gives false feedbacks..
i make sure i will screw the person upside down.

this person is like shit.
or far worse than shit.
nabei*

stupid mouth.
stupid character.
damn idiotic.

fcuk off.
knn.
ccb.

u better watch out for karma!

bored..

2010-01-18T18:37:00.002+08:00

im so bored.
but i love slacking in this way.

school starting at April..
very anxious already.
after all..
this is a new major for me.
im prepared to go thru lotsa theories..

my com crashed..
sianx lah.
im gonna get a new com asap.
i must get a new desktop!

my 2 days spent with baby..

2010-01-08T19:34:00.004+08:00

went to baby's hometown on monday night.
woke up in the early morning.
cos baby's grandma arrived.
so baby woke up earlier to fetch her.
its been almost 2 yrs since i saw his grandma.
then baby woke me up again..
had a long journey..
almost at batu pahat area..
my butt almost caught fire!

when we finally reached..
its really a wonderful feeling.
my butt can finally breathe again!

nvr thought i can see such a scene.
its rather peaceful..
very kampung style!

baby's mum said by touching the big fish will have luck.

& its not an easy task to be able to touch the fish.

pic taken from the toilet view.

thou it may be a normal scene for many people..

but when u actually get there & see it by yourself..

its a totally different feel!

guranteed!

ok.

i have finally updated all the pics i should have done earlier.

im looking forward to it again.

gotta end here & have my shower now!

byebye.

vl injured birdie..

2010-01-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

always wanna upload pics..
but im always lazy..
pics had been lying in my com for so long..
it means im lazy since months ago..

this poor birdie was found by joshi when he was smoking outside.
the birdie was attacked by a bunch of crows..
thanks to joshi who rescued it.

took pics of the birdie..
why?
cos its such a young beautiful birdie!

birdie was suffering under the rain for quite awhile i guess..

thanks to joshi again for bringing birdie to the male toilet for blow-drying!
& now birdie is slightly better.
can finally stand upright :)

recovering..

slowly..birdie..u will be okie soon.

hee* finally..

the white rice was sponsered by me from VL.

aint birdie beautiful?

alright..

thats it.

now im gonna upload another section.

10 years of friendship, unexpected stuffs

2010-01-03T21:02:00.007+08:00

met up with anna yesterday at town.
had en enjoyable japanese buffet.
left with a bloated stomach.

shopped ard..
& of cos..
spending of some hard-earned money.

got my belated bday present from her as well.
cute little bag.
but good enuff for my stuffs.
hehe.
thanks gal :)

took some pics of cos.
but all e background the same.

after looking at the pics..
i seriously realised i have aged.
dark eyebags..
fine line wrinkles!
nb.

worse of all,
i have to find some way to get rid of my round apple cheeks.
i so wish i can have sharper jaws.
argh!
becos of my cheeks,
it made my face look so damn fat lor!

alright.
here are those pics that we took.

hmm.

time passes fast.

just noticed i have known anna for 10yrs finally!

haha!

the 6.5 hrs spent tgt was really fast..

its definitely an enjoyable one.

thanks for the lunch treat <3

trained to cityhall after that.

saw jeremy, shihua, wei lu & mei fang.

poor jeremy..

everytime kanna teased by me.

too bad lah..

i still cant forget the eve of 2008 countdown..

JEREMY JIANG had illegally hugged my ADAM WONG right outside vl during the start of fireworks.

i will nvr forget.

then slowly walked to vm.

slacked awhile & left with baby as well.

didnt expect baby to stay overnight yesterday.

we were chionging "the zoo" & i rushed him to have his shower before he leave.

right after he came out..

he borrowed my adidas pants.

& e most surprising thing was..

i will nvr expect him to bring me to MAC in the middle of the night for supper.

fantastic meal...

i'm loving it.

he fell flat on my bed right after we reached home.

halfway through..

something cropped up..

i vomited.

whole body losing strength..

this is totally shit.

spoils my happy mood.

luckily im better now.

thank god.

baby came to my house after work.

i didnt expect him to finish work at 6pm today.

another surprise.

thou he said he told me..

but i absolutely do not have any idea.

well..

both of us did not strike 4D today.

sianx*

haix..

he left abt 7.45pm..

just reach JB at 9pm..

thats fast yea!

will not be uploading for these few days.

cos..

i will be gone for 2 nights.

gonna be at baby's hometown.

& yes.

we will be fetching his mum & grandma to SG on wed.

as such..

i will be back on wed afternoon.

& baby will go back to JB with his mum & grandma.

i have no other plans for thursday.

cos..

i am working split shift.

well..

should work abit before my body fats starts to conquer my whole tummy.

i shall nvr let that happen.

ok.

thats abt all for now.

byebye.

VL & VM - post xmas & pre new year party!

2009-12-30T16:42:00.002+08:00

was so busy yesterday.
came back yesterday..
did a quick wrap for xmas presents..
can u imagine how SOTONG i am!?
i reach vl very early but i forgot to stuff the present into my bag!
this is absolutely shit!

no choice.
went back home to take it & took bus straight to vm.

goodness.
when i reach..
vm simply turn into a disco!
with disco lights turning round & round..
wah..
dizzy..
had some "prize-award" ceremony.
i had a big MICKEY MOUSE from the company.
cos they all know my loves.
started to eat first..
then the playing of games..

oh yes.
almost forgot to mention my beautiful lady boss & her princess.
winnie & tatiana attended as well!
so surprised to see them cos they normally dont join in as it always very late.

they left the place almost 12.30am..
so we continued the party..
laugh like crazy..

only managed to take some photos from my phone cam.
the rest will have to wait till ady or fidy to upload then i will grab it from them

my beautiful lady boss, winnie & me.
now i realised our eyes did look alike.
we both have small eyes.
credits to tatiana for taking this pic.

winnie's only daughter..her precious princess, tatiana & me.
credits to me.

baiqin, brother simon & me.
credits to KIM.

not forgetting my VL's scandal girlfriend: FIDY
see our clothes combination.
Black & White couple team.
im gonna get myself killed if liza saw this.
credits to KIM again for taking this pic.

finally..
its me & KIM.
this sexy vietnamese lady is real good in dancing.
of cos..
she is good in talking as well.
& her voice is really project-ed!

well..
thats all for now.
gotta tidy my room again.
mess. mess. mess.
all in a mess!

cant stand it anymore.
arghhhh.

blame it on my part as well.
i am lazy most of the time.

alright.
gotta go now.

will update again soooooon.

BKK 20/11/2009 - 23/11/2009 & HK 23/11/2009 - 27/11/2009

2009-12-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

I AM BACK!
i really enjoyed my trip to BKK & HK with baby & my dad.
its been such a long time since i enjoyed myself.
but time really passes fast.
din even notice until last night in HK..
i really hate to go back to SG.
how i wish i can stay in HK..
with the super cold weather now..
its simply warm when baby holds my hand & walk thru the crowd.
its baby's first time to overseas too.
so i guess he's definitely more happier than me.

well..
i uploaded the pictures in another way round.
so..
after reading this,
u might just have to go to the bottom of this post & view the pic right up to my text again.
i took lotsa time to upload all these..
especially when blogger is lagging when i am uploading!

alright.
enjoy..

my all-time fav snake soup!

compare my big big bowl to baby's small pathetic bowl on the top right hand corner!
he's scared.

cos this is first time in his 25th year of life to drink snake soup!
but i guess he start to enjoy it after a few sip..

he finished everything.. :)

those are the few pics we took at random times.
& yes..he do look like an AH BENG!

Pineapple BUN with butter!

so shiny!

P.S: its not done by my cam effect. but the bun itself is really shiny!

my first time to take railway transport in HK..

cos i always took MTR..

YES!

the pics above makes no sense.

just that the word is always changing light at all times.

baby & me are just competing to see who can snap out the most colour!

& the winner is me!

last day in HK.

venue: avenue of stars!

baby & me

me :) its really cold ok!

opps.

supposed to be a beautiful pic..

my background is just so dark & very humid.

even my lens are slightly damp.

i dono why..baby cant smile!

me again :)

the statue.

inside MTR.

baby & me inside MTR.

snapshot of the train.

THIS IS REAL COOL!

if i had the money..

i will buy it.

i promise myself i will do so!
the designer transform my mickey mouse to a robotic figure.

so cute.

nth much.

baby took it.

i had nth to do.

so i became a copycat.

baby:)

me :)
sample tram in the olden days.

yes.

i wouldnt feel embarrassing.

so i asked baby to snap it.

UP at the PEAK!

oh..i damn wish i stayed in HK..

e scenary is so tempting.

the logo of the tram.

simple & nice.

i love the logo.

baby & me on e way to the PEAK.

see my dad behind..on e right!

his face seems to be telling me..

"see no evil"
hehe.

main entrance.

reaching the place to take tram already!

leg almost breaking!

yes yes yes!

reaching soon!

see the lady above..

she trying to draw the blue building!

walking walking..

making our way to the tram station.

walking..strolling..but all i know its forever never ending.

HK MAC DANG DANG (Cantonese) - if u watch TVB dramas from young.. u will understand!

their fries is so much better than SG.

more crispy & golden yellow.

hee:)

they don serve McSpicy..but only McCrispy.

its still nice anyway.

so fragrant!

my MACDONALD meal cost me HK29.oo....

slightly more than SG$5.50.

worth the try :)

i promise myself to try HK MACDONALD again after so many years.

heavenly!

ok.

i have shopped alot!

but who doesnt shop in HK?

venue: stanley market

my dad, me, baby

its been such a long time since we enjoyed TOGETHER!

see the skinny tall guy..

he's my baby.

wow!

i love my accidental moments.

my finger was blocking the lens & it creates something beautiful as well.

seems like there is a huge sun that brightens the whole piece of land.

the beach is still the same.

the stretch of stanley market.

Venue: WONG TAI SIN Temple ~

OK.

Pictures taken in HK are done.

Rewinding to BKK.

met up with pat & bin korkor..

plus pat's future wife (my sis-in-law) which is gonna be in a years' time.
of cos my dad is along with us :)

had our dinner meet-up in BKK!

first time finally..

cos we have been talking lots bout it but nvr get any chance.

now..

we finally met in BKK at last.

really enjoyed the japanese buffet!

so cheap & shiok!

thanks to ah pat korkor's recommendation @ SIAM Paragon!

had some pics taken as well.

even my dad joins in too.

bin bin kor, pat kor, my baby

bin kor, ME. pat kor

blame on baby's cigarette..

ok. last shot.

baby, "pat's fren"(sorry, i dono his name!), bin kor, pat kor, my dad in the middle was squatting..

3 pretty ladies.. but only two of them belongs to pat kor & bin kor.

Venue: Kamphaeng Phet

shopping paradise..really cheap & nice clothing..

ME :)

went to King Rama temple.

baby :)

a half-day tour @ BKK..

sorry..but i really forgot the name of the place.

crocodile farm.

so cute!

pics taken during the elephant show.

the tigers are the attraction at the main entrance.

they are brothers.
they are really close in bond.

ME :) ME :)

took an elephant ride with my daddy.

my first time sitting on an elephant.

& i will nvr sit on it again.

cos i nvr like the feeling of stepping on their skin with my shoe.

thou they may or may not feel any pain,

but to me..

its kinda heartbreaking when i realise i have to step on their skin.

i just couldnt take it.

floating market!

baby asked me to take snapshot of myself..

but the little boat was so shaky & i cant aim at myself properly.

furthermore, its really freaking hot!

BUT STILL,

we managed to take snapshots thou it may not look so nice.
who caressss...

as long as the pics belongs to baby & me!

many many pomelos!

my fav chilli padi!
sure very shiok & high after having it!

looks errie..

like an abandoned village.

seems like the scene in thai ghost movie!

poor lady..

no business.

she cant go anywhere except sitting on the tiny little corner.

cos all around her are full of her selling items..

PLUS river water.

was tempted to buy all this..

but they said the price are defintely higher especially in floating market..

becos its tourist attraction..

their prices are out to "CHOP" our money.

so i rather save it up & get it at other places.

LV fakies..
but look rather nice thou..

baby & me again :)

my eyes can barely open!

those ppl living there has limited resources..

but yet a very simple life.

saw them jumping into the river for fun..

but nvr get to snap it.

opposite SIAM Paragon..

pay & release those sparrow birds for freedom..

it will only do yourself good.

famous four-faced temple.

looks cute.

just snap it.

my cam has lotsa memory anyway.

haha.

BHB :)

alright.

thats almost the end.

sorry that i took super long.

part of it,

i was lazy..

whenever baby & me had time to be together..

i will nvr spent time on the com.

all becos i wanna spend our precious time together.

another part of it,

i had no time at all.

after work..

everytime too tired.

& most of the days are split shifts!

imagine i took more than 2weeks to eventually post it here!?

its been sleeping as draft status ever since i uploaded part by part starting from 28nov!

so whenever i'm free..

i will upload as many as possible.

until today,

i decided to finish up everything once & for all.

this BKK & HK trip will be a most memorable trip/holiday/getaway for me.

i guess it applies for baby as well.

after all,

this is his first time to travel in plane..

& his first partner in life to travel overseas is his GIRLFRIEND, ME!

i am happy as well.

thou we had some arguements in both BKK & HK...

but i'm glad we both got over it very soon.

thank god for blessing our relationship..

& of cos our first trip to overseas a happy & memorable one.

ok.

i have to really slp now.

tml split shift again.

will be accompanying baby's to the doc on tue.

wun be having much sleep.

but nvm.

i love baby.

i wanna be the one who accompany him to the doctor.

BABY, I LOVE U!

on break..

2009-11-19T21:05:00.002+08:00

alright.
i finally endure till today.

will be going BKK & HK in a few hours time.
shall be away for a week.

im still lazy to post photos..
damn.
im sorry.

put on my retainers already!
damn uncomfortable.
argh!
saliva keep "running" all over!
eek*
& i am always swallowing back all my saliva.
so tiring!

im very tired.
feel like slping now.

nitex.

11-Nov-2009

2009-11-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

YES!

finally remove my braces!
wee*

but still need to go back to Dr. Mok again..

i suddenly miss my braces.
diao!
now my teeth looks so plain!
nabei!
but i feel so comfortable when eating.
haix.
so contradicting hor!?
i believe ppl who goes thru like me feels the same as well.

meeting baby for movie later.

meanwhile,
i need to clean my house flooring before going out.
i am so hungry!

ok.
i better have my first meal of the day & get my cleaning start asap before going out.

cya.

counting down ...

2009-11-09T00:36:00.002+08:00

cant wait for days to come!

1 more day to my bday! but too bad im working.
2 more days to my removing of braces & move on to retainers. which means that im spending another $400!
2 more days to have my belated dating session with baby. its been a long time since we really spent time together besides work.
3 more days to know my JLPT surprise test results. im really anxious. cos i totally forgot all bout it until the day of class. worse thing is, i nvr study at all. its a surprise. great great surprise.

nothing special until..

11 more days to BKK & HK with my daddy & baby. another BIG BIG bomb spent on air tix & hotels for these 2 countries.

oh well.
at least i think this nov will be a better month for me.
cos i am on leave for 9days.
i need a break since ages ago.
otherwise, i will breakdown real soon.

this will be my first trip with baby.
but countless of trips with my daddy.

my daddy really welcomes baby..
thank god that they can really get along real well.

thank god again that i can also get along well with baby's family members.

im so gonna take lotsa pics during my trip.
dono when will get to go overseas again.
ITS SO HARD TO PLAN our leaves ok!
i got a headache & a freaking quick temper most of the times while discussing bout the trip.

alright.
i gotta sleep now.
my dark circles are very formidable now!
out of control.
no matter how much time & money i spent on it..
its like as if i've nvr do anything at all.
nabei!

no wonder ppl say dark cirles are very stubborn.
yes.
now i absolutely agree so.

ok.ok.ok.

nitex.

counting down 3 days to my bday!

2009-11-08T02:47:00.001+08:00

3 more days to my bday!

but..
i gotta work the whole day on tuesday!

nvm.
baby is taking his off day to acc me on wed with me.

i love love love him.

wee*

pot calling the kettle black

2009-11-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

i have finally said it out..
i cant stay on anymore.

its only for my own good.
& for everyone's sake.

i'm just too tired to go on any further.

i feel so irritated.
do u know u are very irritating!?
i just cant stand u any longer!

i don mind.
i don care.
i just wanna leave this place that makes me sad.

i wanna be happy.
cos i wanna live longer.

need not do anything to ask me stay on.
for i know my controlling of temper won't last long.

i know u.
& u better should know me.
leave me alone & i will do the same.

don question me why i did all this.
cos u simply have no rights too.
need not ask me why i nvr respect u..
cos i don see any needs or any reasons to do so.

don saying that i don give anyone a personal touch..
cos u, yourself has nvr given me a personal touch as well.
u are a pot calling a kettle black!

don bother talking to me anymore..
your attitude isnt that nice at all.
so..
don blame me for my freaking bad attitude towards u.

u cant change me.

thats all i wanna say.
i'm so gonna use the same old sentence back to u.
"ITS OK....NO NEED TO TALK ALREADY!"

its applies to me as well.
TQ.

counting down 3days to baby's bday!

2009-10-25T01:22:00.003+08:00

spent a big bomb on baby's bday present..

im broke again.
terrible.

items i bought;
birthday card.
lucky cat.
puma wallet.
puma cap.
puma jacket.
deuter backpack.
adidas jersey.

amount reaching almost $500!!
diaox.

who ask me to love him!?
haix.
nvm.

everytime i go shopping..
everytime i saw mens' stuffs..
everytime i feel that he will need it..
everytime i feel that he will like it..
everytime i will buy it.
EVERYTIME without any consideration of budgetary concerns.

kenji says he wanna be my boyfriend!
lolx.

well..
too bad i only love ADAM WONG!

hee :)

3 more days to his birthday.

& i already surrendered all his presents to him.
cos i have an event on his bday! :(
therefore, i couldnt celebrate with him on the actual day.

but will still buy him a small cake in advance.
will give him on tuesday night.

im racing against time.
i have so little time to do so many things.
my time is not enough!
its packed like sardines!
& its seriously very tiring...

ok.
i shall lie on my bed now & wait for baby's call.

nitex.

happie 2yr 8mth to us~

2009-10-18T02:04:00.001+08:00

happie 2 years 8 mths anniversary to me & baby!

may our relationship be smooth-sailing...
& everlasting!

i love my baby!

happy day :)

2009-10-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

today is my eldest niece, rachel's 4th bday!
went to fetch her from school..
then to west coast plaza to collect food.

back to my sis's in-laws house..
had some fun with Rachel..
my younger niece, Nicole was so cute..
not so afraid of strangers.
i carried her so many times & she didnt cry!
but Rachel was kinda jealous when i paid attention to Nicole..
i had to be a two-faced aunty!
once she's jealous..
i immediately divert my attention to rachel..

no photos yet.
waiting for my sis to upload!

was abit tired when i came back home..
but baby's more tired than me.
cos he woke up earlier than me.

drove all the way from JB to my house..
then to west coast..
back to my sis's in-laws house..
then back to my house.
after that to tiong for movie..
drove back to my house again..
drove back to his JB house just now..

went to watch movie..
Haeundae: The Deadly Tsunami
was very nice..
certain parts was kinda funny..
but most of it was sad & touching.

right after our movie..
had our dinner @ Rajah Inn..
had our mini steamboat.

our happy day is ending..
finally went back home.

changed our hammy, "老二" beddings & washing up of his bungalow house.

both of us are steam-ed liao!
but i know both of us are happy.
cos we are always quarrelling cos of small stuffs.
i hope we quarrel less often.
i will try to control myself.

i am really happy!
its real hard for me to spend such a day with BABY!
had to apply off day together & its not easily being approved!

i really cherish the time when me & baby can finally get together.
i love his attention..care & concern.

thank you, baby...
i love you.

little updates

2009-10-07T01:28:00.002+08:00

was supposed to update a little bits about me & baby.
but was so fed up with lotsa stuffs.

finished work at 6pm on last sat..
went home & clean my home flooring..
slacked awhile & bathe..
slack again while waiting for baby to finish & fetch me.

when baby finally finished work..
i came down earlier cos i need to buy some stuffs.
when i reach baby's car..
he told me there's a cockroach!
nabei..
i was wondering if the cockroach crawl all e way into his car anot..
YES..
i guess so.
my feeling tells me so.
nth happen thru out the journey.

went his JB house cos baby needs a shower.
then off to fetch his sis..
so..
thank baby for bringing me to supper & had curry laksa for supper.
his sis wasnt intending to eat at all.
so she just slept inside.
cool yeah!

we had a fast supper cos its drizzling..
thank god..
cos we almost finished the food.
off to his HOMETOWN.

I REALLY HAD A GOOD GOOD SLEEP!
baby's house is always so peaceful during the night except for cars driving past.
fresh air..
peaceful..
no traffic..
the most important thing is..
i finally get to spend time with him!
it seems like i visit his parents every 2-3mths!
i really notice that!

everytime when i go back with him..
we will sure quarrel cos of minor thingy.
this time round..
we are finally smooth-sailing.
thank god for that.
i'm really grateful for what i have.
god gave me happiness.

thou we did nth at all..
except been in a car for a long day..
cos baby needs to drive more than a 90-min journey to his grandma's house to fetch his mum.
after that another 90-min journey back to his own hometown.
by the time we came back..
its evening.
imagine we set out at 1.45pm!?
& reach home at 6.30pm!
my butt almost caught fire~

had dinner with his whole family..
oh goshZ!
curry fishhead!
heehee!
my all-time favourite cos its spicy!

went back his house awhile..
the day has almost ended.
left his house at 9pm plus..
a little bit of jam here & there..
reach JB at almost 10plus...

off to SG already..
massive jam at MY custom..
20mins gone.
halfway thru to SG custom..
another long long long jam again!
more 30mins of waiting..

finally reach home at 12plus..
goodness!

when baby reach his JB home..
he didnt went to his house straight.
he called me right away..
during his journey back home..
back to the first paragraph..
a cockroach was crawling on his leg..
he almost got into an accident!
nabei..
damn cockroach!

i was already halfway dreaming..
but i am still half conscious to listen what he's saying..

thats how i spent my off day.

but i'm contented.
cos i feel the love.

regarding of how i feel..
i'm not gonna say it out here.

to those who are in a relationship..
u should know it as well.

its not the quantity..
but the quality time that we spent with each other HAPPILY together.

should i stay or should i go?

2009-10-05T23:48:00.004+08:00

tired of all these..

i have been wondering all these months..
i feel there's a need in a change of my working environment..

i'm really afraid..

my dad is so lonely..
because of my long hrs at work..
i spend only my sleeping time at home..
the rest are at given to work.

i don wanna regret.

i wanna proceed to another journey of my life.

i want to fufill my dreams..

i'm really confused.
afterall, i have been in this company for almost 4yrs.

tell me.
i need guidance someone.

i felt terrible now.
just went thru my 2nd session of treatment.
no one else know.
none of my working colleagues.
except kenji & my baby.

vomited 2 times in the bus.
luckily kenji was thoughful enough to standby plastic bags for me.
otherwise, i cant imagine the worst.

today's session sucks to the core!
i felt terrible then before.
tummy seems so empty.
feel so hungry yet i don have any appetite.
this is so torturing!

my only motivation to go for this session is BABY.
i am willing to be more healthy because i don wanna be a weak girlfriend to him.
i can still stay beside him & go thru all the ups & downs with him.

kenji is giving me all the encouragement & support that i need.
& i really thank him for that.
really.
without him,
i will be lost somewhere.

alright.
i gtg now.
feeling so sick.
just wanna update before mich says i MIA again.
no way.

bye.

mentally & physically torture treatment!

2009-09-26T01:05:00.003+08:00

oh my god!
first day of F1 & its already tiring..
events all the way straight to monday!

i'm wondering if i can still survive till then..

worse of all..
i am not feeling well at this time!

my head feels like spliting apart..
these past few days,
i felt acute pain at unexpected times.
& its both sides of my tummy.
all i knew is that its not tummy ache at all.
whether if its kidney or liver..
i really don't know!
when the pain comes,
i cant even stand straight..
cant even walk at all.
all i can do is to squat down for a short moment & the pain will be gone.

this is shit!

time seems to be ticking away its' own sweetie time!
i'm so despo now..
counting down..

2nd day of F1 on sat..
3rd & last day of F1 on sun..
winston's event on mon..

haix.

after that..
ian & cleo's wedding on 03-Oct.
KC & jovine's wedding on 18-Oct.

well..
at least there's a short break from 03-Oct till 18-Oct...
hopefully there's no back-to-back events.
i really hate this.
mental & physical torture!

shortening of my life.

i still wanna enjoy my life with my baby..

pls let me get well soon...
i need to be in tip-top condition for just 3 more days!

okie.
baby should be calling soon.
& its my sleeping time.
i shall now lie down on my mickey & minnie mouse bed with my mickey & minnie mouse comforter above me.
yes..i'm longwinded!
cos i'm extremely happy with all the mickey & minnie stuffs that i owned!
PROUDLY MINE!
cos not all are easy to find ok!
some are not even found in SG..

HAHA!

cherish now...

2009-09-23T01:14:00.002+08:00

i am contented with my life now.
but not work though..
cos i'm always tired!

what i meant was other stuffs.

i cant ask too much & be greedy to ask for something that is hard to ask for.

well..
perhaps i'm getting old already.
started to think alot of stuffs for my future.

we have being thru alot in these 2yrs 7mths...
went thru lotsa ups & downs..
almost breaking up...
getting back together isnt easy at all.
i put in all my love in this r/s..
no words can describe how much i really love him.

yes..
he isnt romantic!
& yes..
he could neglect me & my feelings!
but..
NO!
i wouldnt leave him because of these reasons.

i learnt to give & take now.
i have learnt to wait with my greatest patience now.
cos i can feel it.
i can feel him trying his best to love me with my expectations.
this is what i wished for..
loving me..
trying to do stuffs to meet my expectations & this is what i want.
thou sometimes, he failed.
but i never give up.
cos i'm not wrong.
he will still find some ways to make up for what he has not done for me.
even if he never tries to do anything,
i will still wait.
cos i love him.

love means giving in & more than that!
i can forgive him..as long as he loves me.
i believe his faithfulness now & then.
i'm giving him more trust than anyone else.

i love my baby, ADAM WONG!
nothing will change the fact.
no matter what happens..
i will still stick to my own decision.

even if ppl talk behind my back..
i wouldnt care a damn at all.

baby,
thou u nvr get a chance to see my blog..
sometimes i wish i could let u see it.
but sometimes i wish that u would nvr get to see it.

one thing i know all along is that,
u knew i love u always.
placing u in my top priority list.

i love u.
& i will always do.
nothing will change anything..
for now & forever.

P.S:
i finally knew who u are now..i chose to keep quiet not because i'm afraid of losing to U. YES..i am afraid of losing him..but afterall, i chose to believe him. cos we have been thru alot these few years & we are always supporting each other during each of our toughest days. i don wanna make a big fuss like U. this is not love. i wanna protect his FEELINGS. have U ever love someone till u will do everything for him? loving him till the extent that u will bear everything & kept quiet without letting him know that u have done all these for him? u don need to announce to everyone that how much u have done or how much u love him! to me, LOVE is a body language in silence..need not be said but only need to be done out nicely, sincerely from your heart to someone whom u really love. seek for your maturity. tq.

exhausted

2009-09-20T01:14:00.004+08:00

had a tiring day..
was so tied up with stuffs..
caused me to miss my slp.

& the fantastic thing tml is..
i am working full shift.
shiok.
i can imagine & feel the steam-UP feeling tml in advance now!

i need a break!
pls!

my baby behind me is sleeping so soundly..
he's supposed to wake up to go home after my shower.
but now..
he's so reluctant to wake up.

i am such a blur blur blur QUEEN.
guess what!?
i left my mobile phone in VL..
that means i do not have any alarm clock!
cos i mainly survive & struggle to wake up with my repeated alarm reminders.
if that were to say IF i accidentally or press the head of my minnie mouse alarm clock with my itch fingers..
thats it.

cos no one is gonna open the door for all VL staffs.
i am so gonna be in deep deep shit if this happens tml.

god pls bless me.
remove my sleepyhead habit for just tml or as least when i forgot my phone.
i will love u!

okiex.
must stop here now.
shoulders aching..
eyes getting heavier.
my feets' veins are protesting by popping up to the maximum.
& its seriously disgusting.
well..
i get disgusted by myself as well at times.

shall SHAKE & WAKE baby up now!

nitex.

a better day..

2009-09-15T01:19:00.003+08:00

my dad is finally home.
thank god..
but he has such a long scar which really scares me.

went to the STB today for star profiling..
was so blur...
luckily "mama" sent me there..

there are other races more than chinese people..
not racist la..
but feel kinda weird.

the small test took more than 1 hr..
but i wasnt bored at all.
i was so busy watching video & answering all the questions within seconds for each!
no time to feel sleepy also!

when i finally completed all..
phew..
i din even realised i was feeling cold all the way in the auditorium..
right after i completed..
i was shivering..
nabei*

baby came to my house after work just now.
spent a short time with me but yet i cherished this short moments just as much.
he went to fetch his dearest buddy, LITTLE PIG!~
cos its gonna be his bday on wed.
he's celebrating with him.

LITTLE PIG...
i'm gonna lend you my baby...the pillion seat on this bike...my special seat in his car...
just lending you for these 2days!
make sure you return him back to me on wed!
OTHERWISE ... !!!!
you better like the present.
cos i made effort to buy the present for baby so that he can give it to YOU!

well well well..i shall see my baby again on wed night then.

just finished watching my TVB drama..
i missed charmaine sheh's dramas..
gosh!
damn hoping that she sings more..
cos i really really love her voice!

should be going to timbre after work tml.
but baby's not joining..
well..
its ok.
i wanna drink alot alot & go home sleep..
my plans on wed - SLACKING AT HOME.
i will sleep all the way till i wish to wake up & then clean my house.
thats it.

alrighty.
just received my baby's sms.
he's back in his JB house.
he's having his shower now.
will be going back to his hometown together with LITTLE PIG!
thats where my special seat will be taken by him.

its a long wait.
but i will still wait :)
cos he promised to give me a call once he reach his hometown.

lalala~~~

my mood is slightly better now..
probably cos my dad is much more better..
no crying for these 2 days..
slight improvement.
somehow..
i really suspect that i could be suffering from depression.

okie..
my neck is aching like mad..
i shall lie on my mickey & minnie comforter now :)

wait.
wait..
wait...

look forward to my baby's call.

a feeling which could not be described unless u experience it like i do.

2009-09-10T01:54:00.003+08:00

hope my dad's operation goes well.

i wanna bring my dad overseas this year.
i promised.

i will save as much as i can.
i promised.

i lost my mum.
pls don give me the feeling of losing both parents at this age of mine.

i am so envy of the others.
they have both parents with them.
they can get scoldings..

why cant i?
why cant i have it too?

am i born to have such a hard life?
why am i always feeling depressed?

suddenly i realised all my smiles shown are getting lesser.
in fact,
i'm sorry to reveal that most of them are fake.
i'm not happy at all.

i just don wanna show out my emotions unless i, myself lost control.

i have been crying everyday.
but i don even know why.

when i see my dad..
the more he pretended like nth.
the more i felt so much like hell.

i want a happy family..
but i will nvr get to have it again.

somehow,
i felt my spirit is locked elsewhere in other world.
i lost myself away..
my concentration..
my focus in doing something which i could & should have done well.
my happiness..

i can be very happy at this minute..
but break down & cry out at the next minute.

i don even know what's happening to me.
e more i cant expect the others to know my situation & understand me.

i seek for my concentration & focus.
i long for my own happiness.

i have no life at all.
its furthermore worse than BORED.
my life is probably worse than hell.

guess i have almost reached the highest level of being so sad that i couldnt shed any tears.

if one day "U" could actually see my tears..
will you lend me a crying shoulder?

or would i be alone somewhere in the darkest corner where no one will notice?

i need a doctor who can heal me.
otherwise i will go insane soon.

baby,
do u actually know how i felt now?
i need a crying shoulder thou i couldnt give u any reason.
i dono why i'm so depressed.
i don wanna be alone.
i'm really afraid.

something could be wrong with me.

monday is gone like this.

2009-09-08T01:55:00.003+08:00

worked full shift today..
abit tired..
tried to keep myself occupied all day long.

baby bought me to macpherson area to meet his bestest buddy.."xiaozhu" aka "小猪"!
till now..
i only met him for the first time in SG.
most of the times are in JB...baby's hometown.
had my supper..
spicy chilli chicken..
damn spicy..
real shiok!
i ask for it.
cos i requested them to put more dried chilli padi!
i never regret at all.

left about 12plus..
reach home at 12.45am.

face-booking for awhile & here i am updating now.
nth much to add on at this moment.
perhaps i'm tired already..
cant tink of anything to add on.
alright.
gotta lie on my bed & wait for my baby's call.

nitex.

sian-sation

2009-09-06T01:00:00.002+08:00

have been terribly busy..
hectic schedule.

i'm down with flu & cough.
baby was worse than me..
he's down with fever, flu & cough as well.
i guess its the 3 popiah he ate that causes him to have sore throat.

so tired recently..
many things happened for no reason.
eek*

well..
i had to take it in my stride.]
no other choices for me now.
endure!

baby just reach home..
shall wait for his call..
guess not so soon..
cos he really loves to slack around after his shower before calling me.

i'm getting tired of everything around me.
wishing that i do not need to do anything at this moment.

i need a break soon.
seriously need a break!

i wanna leave SG!

sad.

2009-08-26T00:10:00.002+08:00

i'm sad.
i'm very sad.
i'm very very sad.

need not ask me why.

i cant say .. ..

innocent. lost.

2009-08-16T16:44:00.004+08:00

tell me what is going on?
what is wrong?
i don't know what is happening at all!
yet i deserve all this messages!

i don't need your forgiveness!
cos i don't even know what have i done wrong somewhere..

ur messages made me seems like i'm a baddie.

i am lost.
no mood for everything at all.

let it be..

2009-08-10T18:59:00.002+08:00

today is another gone case.

i guess he just don't feel like it..
nvm ba.

i don wanna ask..
i don wanna request..

its best kept this way.
this is my only solution.

let it be.
i should have known it.

even its next week...
i shouldnt be happy.

it may not turn out what i have wished for.

i will wait.

happiest thoughts of the month

2009-08-09T01:23:00.003+08:00

忙到累了。。
但是我很开心！

今早又早起床。。
去了解一下自己的报告。。
虽然不是很理想。。
但我已经预料到了。
反正每次的报告都是不好的。
我也没有不开心。
可能有吧。。
也许我的心早已精没感觉的。
感觉不到伤心了。

我会很努力把身体调好的！
这是我对宝贝的承诺。
身体健康的话。。
我才能和宝贝开开心心地在一起。

今天我们已经买了戒指！
我们会等到十八号。。
两年半周年纪念日的时候再一起戴上它。

宝贝最近不是很开心。。
我虽然帮不带他，
但我唯一能做的是安安静静地守在他的身边。
但他需要我的时候。。
我就留在他的身边支持他！
但他像一个人安静思考的时候，
我就让他一个人去做他想要做的事。

我相信这是对宝贝最大的鼓励。。
我相信这也是他想在我身上看到或得到的东西。

只要我乖乖。。
肯定会雨过天晴的！

宝贝，
你一定要加油噢！
千万不要放弃自己。

我一定会支持你！

OH YES!

HAPPY 44th BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE!

宝贝口中最令我感动的一句话，宝贝和我的约定

2009-08-05T02:12:00.000+08:00

今天是我最开心的一天。。
虽然什么也没做。。
工作了一整天。。

宝贝送我回家。
陪了我一下。。

他竟然对我说了那一句话！

我真的好感动。。

关于那句话的内容。。
我选择保密。

因为那是宝贝对我一个人说的。。
所以我不想和任何人分享。
而且它已经快要两年都没对我说过这句话咯！

只想说出我心里的感动。。
要不然，
田野又说我每次都不开心！
那有啦！？

宝贝不知道对我多好呢！

明天我得要早起床去拿报告。。
过后就去找宝贝。。

宝贝约了我明天去买我们的新戒指了！

这就是宝贝和我的约定！

开心！
开心！！
开心！！！
开心！！
开心！

宝贝，我爱你！

怕。。

2009-08-01T01:16:00.005+08:00

我很担心我家的老二！
因为老大才刚刚离开了我们。。
现在老二的情况好像有点不好！
我真的真的很怕！
难道老二那么快就要去找老大了吗？

我感觉很不对劲！
老二不想昨天那样活泼乱跳了。。
很没精神！
刚刚帮它换食物的时候。。
它已经没什么反应了！
不再像以前追我的手指跑！

这些都我给我的暗示吧？

如果老二真的很辛苦的话，
那我想我应该是时候放手了。
可能它离开去找老大重逢是件好事。
对它来说是一种解脱也是一种自由。
我不想再看到老二受苦了！

如果上天已经有了打算想带走老二。。
那么就快点吧！
不要再让我最疼爱老二那么辛苦了！
我已经看到老大是多么的辛苦才离去。。
不要再给我看到老二的痛苦了！
别再给我多一次的心碎！
这样我会更难受！

我知道老二已经老了。。
是时候了。。
我会接受的。。
我只希望它不会再这样过下去！

我求求老天爷！
我从小就对小动物容易产生感情！
每当它们的离去。。
我都会伤心很久很久！

我不想多说了。
我累了。

晚安。

老大's departure..

2009-07-28T01:31:00.009+08:00

老大的亲兄弟。。老二！

你看老二有多坏！？总是欺负哥哥！害到老大总是装死投降！

老二总是爱认为自己很可爱。。很单纯！已经被我亲眼目睹它的坏行为了。。但它还是坚持自己是无辜的！越看越可爱！

老大每次都喜欢这样睡觉！

但这些照片从今天开始都变成了回忆。

因为老大刚刚在几个小时前离开老二。。包括我和宝贝了。

回到家时。。

我老豆就说它好像不行了。

年纪大了。。

也差不多该是时候了。

它应该解脱了吧？

看到老大的时候。。

它已经动也不动了。

真的离开了。

身体还是温温的。。

老大，

你是在很努力等我们到家是吗？

可惜你等到累累了。。

就这样睡着了吧？

现在只剩下老二了。。

不知道它晓不晓得它的亲兄弟先走了一步。。

老大。。

宝贝和我永远都不会忘记掉你的。。

因为我们曾经很疼爱过你。

这两年的时间。。

你见证了我和宝贝的爱，和我一起庆祝今天鼠年的来临！

刚不久出世才三个月多的你。。

和老二还住在一个小箱子里。。

莫名其妙就坐了宝贝驾的车回了我的家！

你们就这样被我和宝贝亲手带到我的家中。

老大，

你好好上路吧！

下辈子别再当老鼠了。

真的有投胎的话，

记得要当个人。。

不要再被人类困在笼子里面！

如果你不幸当了只狗。。

我肯定会把你带我家。。

但是你千万要做只黄金猎犬噢！

我知道再过不久。。

老二也会来找你的。

但是先让它陪我过完今年的生日！

拜托了！！！

老大，

宝贝和我都很LOVE你的！

永远都会记得你那可爱，天真又讨人喜欢的小脸孔！

我们永远都会想你。

你将永远会在我们的记忆中。

宝贝和我代替老二向你说声永别了。

再见了，老大！

:'( :'( :'(

disappointed.

2009-07-27T01:45:00.002+08:00

hmm..

i am kinda sad now.
no longer wish to comment on anything.

nothing can change it anyway.

我一直在等。。
但是最后我还是一次又一次失望收场。

我没有资格要求些什么。。
奇迹是没有可能发生在我的身上的。。
我更不可能要求一个不可能会发生在我身上的事！

路是我自己选择的。。
是好是坏。。
我已经没有机会回头了。
开心或非常不开心还好。。
我都要面对全部。。
以为这些都太迟了。
所以我在不愿意也得要走下去。

我说了太多了。。
不想再说了。
反正说了。。做了。。
全部都是多余出来的。
有意思吗？

我还是静静就这样忍下去吧。

希望很快就会改善。。
虽然我知道可能性是非常的渺小。。
但我真的很希望。。

i chose this path.
so i better keep my mouth shut.
that's it.

2009-07-20T01:02:00.002+08:00

i so wanna go disneyland again!

my target is to go Hong Kong with my baby!

see...
http://park.hongkongdisneyland.com//hkdl/en_US/events/overview?name=RcmdCouplesPage

i am crazy!

but seeing the video..
isnt it romantic!?~

i so envy those couple who really went there!

kenji is back!
oh finally..
at last i can stop hearing him saying that he misses his galfriend!

haha!
thanks to him who acc me to the docs last friday!
i was so afraid of my report on monday!
opps..
its already monday!!!

i shall go & collect during my split shift.

alright..
gonna slp soon.

still waiting for baby to reach home..
gotta wait till after his shower..
cos he's gonna call me.

oh well.
din managed to update on time.
[18.02.2009] - happy belated 2yrs 5mths anniversary :)
hee*

kk.
stopping here now.
so drained out today..
worked 13hrs!
tml another morning-closing shift.

waliew~

YVONNE..
TAHAN!
pls pls pls save money ok!
i must really save money to go for my trip with baby!
thats my target of 2009 with baby!

nabei..
must save!
die die also must save up!

alright.
nitex nitex..

back again..

2009-07-11T01:37:00.002+08:00

mia-ed.
yes i know.

i have been very very busy & life has been chaotic for me during the end of june.

my dad was hospitalised..
& my grandma passed away right after the next week when my dad was discharged.
during that period..
i was in & our of hospital taking care of my dad & granny.

no matter how reluctant i was..
i still had to take care of her since my dad is not around.

thought i can finally work peacefully after my dad discharged..
within a week..
i was doing my closing stuffs & my dad called to break out the news to me.
yes..
she passed away peacefully in my house.

i thought i wont cry..
tears was running round & round..
but it didnt drop down.

i had to control..
i knew my dad will break down if i cried.
i dino i will still feel sad when she passed away.
i saw her slping on her own bed when i rushed home.
i couldnt believe it myself at first.

well..
everything was done & over.
i am back to my own working life.

i was catching up lotsa stuffs that i missed out during my 5days of leave.
okie.
now i am almost back on the track.
tml working 2pm all the way to closing.

see how it goes..
maybe i will fetch baby @ vm.

alright..
stopping here now.

feel like slping :)

sick & tired of life-

2009-06-23T01:15:00.002+08:00

i have been terribly busy in 1 month..
terribly tired in this 3 weeks.

kenji said i MIA-ed.

been thru lotsa stuffs.
lotsa problems at home.
some minor probs in r/s as well.

or should i say..
its a shiity june for me?

felt so terrible.
my mind is so occupied with stupid & lame stuffs.

yucky manx.
i'm getting lazier to even come online checkin mails.
not to mention about updating on bloggie.

just feel so tired all of a sudden.
i can even sleep all e way until 4pm during all my off day.

something must be wrong with me.
i'm gettin crazy.

something wrong with me or its just him?

can someone tell me?
i wanna know the answer.

i miss kenji.
he's always there for me..
being my listening ear..
being by my side when i need accompany..
esp. when i am so damn angry..
he always ended being my super duper "balloon".
i can blow all my stuffs in this balloon of mine.
u better come back to SG soon ok!
i am waiting..
your gf is waiting for u as well.
i have lotsa things to share with u..
lotsa things to tell u!
nic & wm misses u as well.
esp nic!
opps!
i'm sorry nic!
but its e truth la rite!

alright.
got no mood to carry on typing.

gonna slp now.
nitex.

depression

2009-06-01T21:59:00.003+08:00

i hate u.
i damn hate u!

why did u came back?

i nvr like u at all.
u aint welcome to my home.

u caused unhappiness to me.
u caused unhappiness to everyone.
to create attention all to u..
u created unneccesary trouble.

money & money & money is all spent on u.
all started on your stubborness.
everything turned out like this all cos of your stubborness.

now.
u are a nothing.
only a burden.
an irritating person.

u caused me to have depression years ago.
u caused me & my dad to quarrel over u.

u are not even my mum!
i will only take care of my dad & mum.

u nvr took care of my mum when she is still alive.

u only blame her for not giving u a damn grandson.

don come back!
look for your grandsons & your great grandson to look after u.

i will nvr bother to take care of u.
nvr!
over my dead body!

don blame me for being like this.
cos u're e one who caused me to be such person.

u don deserve all this attention..
u are such an evil women..

don waste your time.
u are not getting anything from me!
nothing!

我很难受！
我哭了整晚。。
我真的真的很恨她！

我这一生都不想再看到她了！
事情搞到现在这样。。
都是你一手造成的！
是你活该！
怨不得任何人！

你知不知道你连累很多人啊？
你什么都做不了。。
只会拖累人！

我恨死你了！

全都是因为你。。
我的忧郁症又再次出现症状！
你到底知不知道你很讨人厌！

sick..

2009-05-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

i'm sick.

i got fever..
i got diarrhoea..

nb.

couldnt eat much.
stoned on my bed..
slp & wake up.
slp & wake up again.
gosh!

finally my fever subsided.
diarrhoea is getting better.

got MC today..
sucks.
wasted 35bucks on medical.

just waste 200++ on family appliances.

everything spoil!
now my body machine also spoil!
shit la!
dammit.

tml work morning shift liao.
i bet there will be tons of stuffs for me to do for sure.
very very sure.

god bless me.

i wanna get well soon.
i don wanna feel like hell again.
i hate the feeling of my own body machine going against me.

exploding..

2009-05-08T00:28:00.002+08:00

woohoo*

i am back.
have been so busy working these past few days.
no time for updating.
tired already.

i am so angry now.
dont ask me why!
i will explode!
nb*

i am supposed to fix my own working black pants..
gonna sew the metallic thingy onto the pants cos the button dropped off everytime!
shiity thingy!

but..
now..
baby is doing it for me!
maybe i am the boyfriend.
HE is my girlfriend.
is not that i dono how to sew ok!
dono why he wanna do it for me..

he's spending the night with me for today..
the last time was like since 1mth plus ago...

alright..
i better stop here.

nth much actually.

i am just very angry!
baby is controlling me..
cooling me down..
but he's not the one who made me fly to the highest limit.
just in case i explode..
dont blame me.
cos i have endured many shiity things thru this 2009..

my limit is telling me that its e end already..
this is not my drama mama pattern.

ppl who knows me should know my temper...
i can be damn good to the person until ppl thinks i'm biased or wat..
but once they climb over me..
all i do is to endured & take it as nothing happened..
endured till my red limited exploding lights beep..
& endured for my last time with all my might!
there's no chance after that.
thats it.
here goes my temper.
i think i am already patient enough.

well.
not going to talk about this topic already.
sianx.

tml see how it goes ba..

nitex.

经历过所有才会明白一切！

2009-05-02T16:42:00.000+08:00

我现在很清楚知道什么是幸福了。。
原来有时候。。
就算是安安静静的一对小情侣。。
有时候会一句话也没有。。
但这些并不代表就是凶兆！

可能是对方工作下班累了。。
不是不开心而没话说。。
只是因为工作累了而不想说些什么。。
只想安安静静。。
一方面可能是想控制自己的情绪避免向对方发泄。。

我真的很明白了。。

但我每次遇到这样类似的事。。
我也就安安静静地跟着宝贝。
但是我的宝贝还是很努力在我面前表现得很好！
虽然我知道他是真的很累，
我也配合他的心情。。

他安静的时候。。
我也跟着他。
当他开心的时候。。
我当然也跟着他。

互相配合一下对方。。
就更容易避免无谓的争吵咯！
感情就自自然然变得更平稳。

我真的很幸运！
毕竟我们两个人已经经过了不少风风雨雨还是能开开心心在一起。
只是偶尔还是会因为某某一些小事而吵架。
还好每次都是在一天之内雨过天晴！

宝贝一直在包容我的缺点！
但我也是得同样要会懂得包容他的缺点！
这一点我还要更加努力才行！
我不会就这样放弃的！

等下约了田野和nic买东西！
但是不是我买。。
而是田野！
他终于有女朋友咯！
我太替他高兴了！
所以。。
他其实是想买点东西送给他的女朋友。。
这将是他为她买的第一份礼物！

哈哈！
不说了。
我还是赶快准备一下。。
要不然我迟到的话。。
那只小鸟又要说我了！

拜拜！

heartbroken.

2009-04-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

nth to update.

my time was all occupied with work.

all i know is..

i felt like crying hard.
i know i should stay strong.

i hate this.

我很讨厌这一分钟！
难受死了！

A Real "sWaY-iNg" SATURDAY!

2009-04-19T16:10:00.003+08:00

i was real suay ytd!
know wat?

the story goes like this..
happily preparing myself after my shower..
finally left the house early..
blasting my omnia phone music..
lift is here..
so i went in..
of cos the door will close la!
then..
i feel the lift motor fan suddenly stop.
i was thinking..
couldnt be right????
i kept pressing the lift buttons..
i knew it..
gone case liao la!

surprisingly..
i thought i will cry..
but i didnt..
this lift is always breaking down.
nth strange.
but i nvr thought that i will be trapped in lift in my whole damn 22 yrs of life.
i called the hotline..
supposed to reach 15mins which the guy told me.
ended up i really waited 30mins!
i was trapped inside the lift for more than 30mins!
seriously..
i thought i will be dead from suffocation inside.
it was real suffocating man!

between the time..
jeremy called me.
i told him i was trapped inside e lift.
all he said was: "wah..got so lucky ah?"
i was like thinking..
yupp.
i am really lucky.
my 4D should strike today!
after the call with jeremy..
weibin korkor also called me.
i told them e same story again..
i was laughing inside the lift.
why i laugh?
because weibin told me that rach darling heels suddenly broke...
i was laughing again..
finally someone was as suay as me!
weibin said it's lynette turn..
then he called her..
but she dint asnwer the phone.
ended up..
she fell down from the stairs!

luckily..
in just a few mins after they arrived..
the door opened..

nabei*
i was perspiring like a mad dog..
the description of my make-up was like..
as if i have never make up at the beginning!

ok.
nvm.
i took cab to SAM.

walao!
wth manx*
how could this happen to 3 of us?
1st: Rach
2nd: ME
3rd: Lynette

thats also the SHAMEI CLUB Rankings which weibin has created for us!
come to think of it..
its real eerie.
the bad encounter happen from the eldest all e way down.

ok.
nvm.
i took cab to SAM.

& now..
i kinda develop a phobia in that stupid lift in my block!

when baby & me get home..
i was asking baby..
should we walk up the stairs?
& guess wat!?
baby says why not!?
nabei la!
i am already having phobia..
& e incident actually just happened in less then 6hrs ago!
so bad sia!

GOD BLESS ME..

clumsy! , happie 2yrs & 2mths anniversary

2009-04-18T15:25:00.003+08:00

left vl @ 12am..
cos guest left late.

fidy & me wanted to dabao the pastries.
oh well.
here it goes.

i stood on the chair to look for something.
& i was blur enuff to keep reaching higher..
tiptoed-feets going towards e end of the chair.
of cos la!
the chair fell sideway..
& i fell down lor..
sprained my ankle lightly..
earned a very big bruise on my righty hand.
got 2 bleeding cuts.
skin teared.

see how clumsy i am!?
nabei.
i was really suay la!

meeting rach darling & e rest later @ VM..8pm.

gotta clean my floor before i go out!
seems like i dropped alot of hair.
when i saw my floor..
i'm so terrified.
am i going bald soon?
touchwood*

today marks our 2 years & 2 months anniversary for baby & me.
these few mths had been rather tiring for both of us..
still remembering those days when we always spent time with each other every 18th of e month.
now..
time doesnt allow us to do so..
wonder when can we enjoy again..

i am so so so playful..
i love to play..
loves to enjoy as much as i can.
loves to be happy w/o any worries like a small kid.

i'm still waiting..
looking forward to the next enjoyable times to be with baby.
a world that only belongs to both of us.

baby, ilu.

status - busy & tired but yet blessed & fortunate

2009-04-12T19:26:00.003+08:00

MIA-ed for e past 10days..
was so busy with work stuffs.

was on full shift for a few days..
so so so tired when i got home.

but all thanks to baby..
he was with me all these nights..
as in not spending the night with me..
he waited for me just to send me home..
& he was also working full shift as well..

i knew he's tired..
very very tired.
yet he still made his greatest effort to even wait for me.

there was a TV shooting at vl on fri night..
baby finished at 11..
he was on full shift too.
i was on full shift from 10.30am all e way..
left vl about 2am..
baby waited for me as well..

i felt so fortunate..
feel so blessed that i chose to be with him 2yrs ago.
e more i think i'm not wrong to make this decision that moment.
e more i know its not a mistake when we started afresh 2months ago when our r/s was on e rocks.

all cos of baby..
i managed to come this far..
he's all along my pillar of support.
i so love him.

yesterday finished work at 6pm..
quickly rushed home to have my shower..
but halfway thru my journey..
baby called me.
he needs my toilet urgently..
supposingly meeting my house downstairs..
ended up..
he waited in my house.
my daddy opened door for me lor.

when i reached home..
baby & daddy both happily watching tv..
nvr seems to realise my existence!
nb!
kns lor.
nvm.

i quickly have my shower..
then went out with baby.

baby asked me to grab something to eat..
but both of us are so sick of kfc & mac..
long john not very convenient to dabao anyway.
maybe next time..
e only choice left is mos burger..
not bad la..

baby had teriyaki chix burger..
& i had croquette with curry burger..

waited for jeremy & shihua..
cos we are catching movie "fast & furious 4"!
its baby's all-time favourites!
i already booked tix online..
so after collecting our tix..

we went to the open area & had our burger while waiting for them.
timing was just right..
just after we finished..
they arrived.

the movie was exciting thou..
nice!

went for a drink after that..
we left the coffee shop almost 1am i guess..

thats about all for this week.

i slept the whole afternoon.
didnt do any cleaning..
so sianx.

slacked infront of the tv with daddy.

i suddenly miss my niece, rachel.
missed her cheeky smile..her mischievous acts..
didnt see her after CNY..
seriously no time.

baby is working full shift today..
tml also!
pooooor baby!
no choice la..
wat to do!?
he so wanna get a lappy for himself.

my righty leg is so painful..
got such a big bruise..
e worse thing about me was..
i don even know when & how i got this mysterious bruise.

alright then.
stopping here now.

shall come back again when i had the chance & time of cos.
next week is another fully-packed week.
damn.

byebye.

reaching the extreme..

2009-04-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

我看我长那么大。。
这次是我最累的时候。。
平时累。。
也从来没有累成这样。。

真不敢相信。。

可能我已经慢慢习惯了吧？
唉。。
不习惯也得要习惯！
不是吗？

宝贝今天在我家陪我。。
因为明天他得要很早起床。。

刚才他的那几番话。。
把我气死了！
哇！
真没良心噢！
奎我那么疼他！
讨厌！

臭老鼠！
臭成华！
你真坏！。。

s t e a m - e d

2009-04-02T01:51:00.002+08:00

忙。。忙。。忙！
忙死我了啦！

真的是累到无法在言语说个明白。。

好大的压力！
我快要憋死了！

难得明天休息。。
但没办法。。
得要回去帮忙。。
唉。。
算了吧。。

宝贝应该要洗完澡了。。
等我们通完电话后。。
我肯定会呼呼大睡！
但也只能睡到12点钟。。
太可惜了！

好了。。
手指都没什么力了！
不说了。。

晚安！

累。。

2009-03-30T00:14:00.003+08:00

这次可真的是惨了！
田野和宝贝竟然在简讯上联络！
讨厌！
完了完了!

他们肯定在说我的坏事！
又说我不听话！
如果末年末日让他们见面。。
我性命就难保咯！

下个星期又是我最难熬的星期。。
好多宴会要办啊！。。
忙死我了啦！

时间表全都是排到满满！
唉。。
真是悲哀噢！

骨头都快要散了！

何靓怡，加油啊！

宝贝就快要到新分行了。。
我们快要分开了。。
见面的机会就会变得更少！
我肯定会很想念他的。。

充满恐惧。。

2009-03-29T02:52:00.002+08:00

刚才在网上看到了田野的网上日记。。
我很不开心。
非常伤心。。

原来是因为我，
他太担心我了。
结果被教练骂了。。
原因是没有专心加紧操练。。
我害得田野被罚。。
如果没问nic的话，
我根本都不知道这回事！

看到田野这样。。
我开始害怕了。
他到底是不是有事隐瞒着我呢？
从小到大，
只要是会让我不开心的事或是会让我伤心流泪。。
就算是会让我心烦意乱的任何小事。。
田野都会想尽各种方法不让我知道！
可是他每次都不晓得我太了解他了。
他的一举一动都逃不过我。。
我知道他很关心我。。
我们就像彼此按爱着对方。。
但其实我们只是非常非常好的朋友。。
比朋友还要好的朋友！

但是这次我真的猜不透他到底隐瞒我些什么。。
就是因为这样，
我更担心！
我自己也觉得很不对劲。
难道又出现问题了吗？

我很担心田野！
比赛要到了！
可是他一点心情都没有。。
今天他来接我下班时。。
他一点小容都没有。
好像有很多事埋藏在心里。
我也没问他是什么事。。
因为我知道他是不会告诉我的！

只要是他不会告诉我的事。。
就肯定有事。。
更肯定是关于我!
因为我们从小到大都是有所不谈的！
大大小小都会和对方说。。

但最近。。
他好想什么也不告诉我！
我到底是不是出现问题？
我真的很想知道到底是什么回事！

我很害怕。。
我没晚都在哭。
也不知道到底在哭些什么！
我就是知道很不对劲！
我只知道其中的原因。。
但更深入的事。。
我一点都不知情！

天天都不舒服。。
很辛苦。。
但是我还是拼了老命强忍着！
我真的很怕我快要撑不下去了！

我很难受。。 :'(
但又有谁能和我分担我现在承受的痛苦？

the 2 days spent..

2009-03-25T22:10:00.002+08:00

sunday was quite a tired day for me..
ever since from sat..
went to JB after packing from home..

went for a quick shower..
but slipped & injured my righty hand..
got a big bruise..
clumsy von!

had a very peaceful night @ baby's hse.
its always so quiet & peaceful during the night.
except for some cars passing by.

but i was too deep in my sleep..
all e way till afternoon.
baby's mum cooked fried pork meat.
shiok!
i long time nvr eat le!
dipping into chilli is just simply heaven-licious!
then went out to settle his mum & sis's stuffs.

the whole afternoon was spent like that.
went back JB..
watched TVB drama till midnight..
then sleep again.
woke up @ 1pm plus..

then watched TVB drama again.
baby & me was totally obsessed into it..
spent the whole afternoon again stoning infront of the tv.
finally..
both had our shower..
after that..
baby drove to pelangi..
went out for late lunch + dinner @ about 7pm..

see how powerful we are?
lolx.

bought macdonalds..
only had a few strands of fries & we decided to tabao back to his house to eat.
cos he promised to bring me to the pasar malam.
somemore he promised me very very very long time ago..
imagine its gonna be 1 year ago?!
finally have the chance..

had 臭豆腐。。
i bought many many stuffs..
3 mickey mouse pyjamas..
1 set of mickey mouse blanket.
1 set of mickey mouse bedsheet.
all those mickey stuffs in pasar malam.

bought 3 pairs of earrings.
a black string for my ring pendant. (cos i woke up & found out its broken long ago..& the pendant is a gift from baby!)
transparent pink nail polish.
titbits.
cuttlefish.

spent more than 100++ ringgit..
its not a big deal to many people..
but its a real big hole for me esp. when i'm gonna be broke any minute.
but baby says i only need to pay him back $50..
the rest just take it that he treated me.
lolx.

then went back his house.
enjoyed our mac meals..
smelly toufu..
snacks..
chocolates.

planning to leave his house @ 10pm.
but once again..
i'm obsessed in the TVB drama again.
i went for my last shower for the day only @ 10pm!
baby says i no need to go back SG liao.
lolx.
somemore both of us are working morning tml.

after my shower..
its his turn.
so i didnt even waste any minute in catching the rest of the TVB drama.
ended up..
we left @ 11.30plus..
fortunately..
no jam @ custom.

so we reach home @ about 12am++..
called baby..
chatted for less than 5mins..
then sleep.

today's work was abit tiring cos of all the following-up & all.

might be catching a movie tml after work.
hopefully i can leave right after 6pm.

alright.
nth much to update now.

shall be back soon.

wee :)

2009-03-22T00:53:00.002+08:00

i am totally drained out.

reach vl @ 8.30am.
chiong a wedding function till 12pm plus..
after that..
chiong out my schedule..
punched out after i got back to vl.
chat with simon, raju & joshi..
raju left after a short while..
continued crapping with simon & joshi..
while waiting for baby also..
when baby finished work..
he joined us..
left vl @ 11.30plus..

baby sent me to my doorstep..
then left.

i'm once again short of staffs.
cos vm ppl are leaving for their new outlet.

after that..
went outside catering with raju..
heavy rain lor!
nabei*

margaret is a very nice lady..
saw her for the 1st time today..
cos all along its either on sms..phone call or emailing..

i bought a new iphone for baby..
its a sudden decision.
lolx.

cos i knew all along that baby's motorola phone has a serious crack after he carelessly sat down on it.
haha.
so i bought him a new phone lor..
its my 2nd biggest surprise for him..
1st time is seiko watch for his birthday..
2nd time is not a special occasion.
just a gift to surprise him & cheer him up.
男人偶尔也是要哄哄一下的。。
哈哈！

i was so afraid that he wouldnt like it.
but after he said his heart beating rapidly after he saw it..
i was so relieved & glad.
lucky i made a correct choice.

its our 2nd set of couple phone :)

i will not be updating tml night till tue night..
cos after work..
i will be going to JB..
should be slacking awhile @ baby's JB house..
shall head towards his hometown, Kluang after his shower & supper i suppose..
will be back to JB on monday night..
cos his sis need to work morn on tues.
so i will stay 1 more night back at his JB house again.
so its considered a 3day 2nights.
no.no.no.no..
not really..

tml i working 1030-9..
so by the time when me & baby have our own personal time..
we only have 1day..
by the time we are together..
its sunday night..gonna be the next day for coming monday.

times clashes so much that me & baby are no longer able to spend more personal time on each other.
we are both tired most of the time.

alright..
received baby's sms..
he's home..
shall wait for his call.
he should be having a shower now.

alright..
i gotta go as well..

both legs aching like shit.
so cramp-ed.

gonna lie on my comfy bed & wait for baby's call.

nitex.
should be back on wed if there's available time for me to be online.
bye.

happie 2yr 1mth anniversary！

2009-03-18T00:00:00.002+08:00

今天是宝贝和我的两年一个月周年纪念日！
我的希望一直保持不变。。
希望争吵会减少。。
偶尔小小争吵就好了！

希望我们天天都开心。。
事事都顺利。。
烦恼全远离我们！
虽然烦恼是肯定在生活中不可避免的。。
还是那句老话。。
小小烦恼就好。。

希望我们的感情会顺顺利利。。
过着一段安安稳稳的爱情长跑！

不安的心。。

2009-03-17T01:11:00.001+08:00

我很不安。。
我很担心！

我真的很担心你。。
可是你好像一点都不在乎。。

你知道我很心痛吗？。。

going thru the worst moment in life

2009-03-15T21:58:00.002+08:00

i'm going thru all my worst moments in my life now.
feeling real miserable.

those moments i had are gone.
all gone.
no matter how much i tried..
i still failed terribly.
i dono wats seriously wrong with me..

i'm just very depressed.

the feeling is just so different.

2years can make a big difference to my life.
lotsa things came & go..
changes are happening w/o me noticing.

i guess ppl can really realise e real meaning of cherish when they have lost it.

& i am the one.

fear is all i had.

it seems like i cant move on any further.
something is stopping me from moving on.

kenji says its me who stopped myself from moving on.

perhaps i am nvr a good gf all along.

kenji..
i need u terribly.
no one else except u understand me more than everyone else does.

he tot i'm throwing tantrum.
he tot i'm just attracting his attention.
he always think tat i'm showing him my patterns.
he nvr bothers about wat i feel.
he nvr cares how i tink.
i'm nvr right..cos i'm always wrong.
i'm always childish in his eyes.
i'm so selfish to him.

is this his way to show me that he's tired?
or to let me know he's no longer bothered in this r/s?

i'm in a daze..
sitting infront of the com..
but my spirit seems to be travelling to somewhere else.

nth can buy memories.
all i can do is to remember all the happy moments.
pls dont cheat me like how my ex does..
cos thats e most sensitive issue.
i won't be able to take it anymore.
cos u're the one who pulled me away from my ex.
u're the one who promised me tt u wouldnt be like him.

i'm reaching the end of everything.

i might collapse soon.
anytime.
tears running low.
heart beating as if it's so reluctant to continue beating anymore.

a better day..

2009-03-13T22:54:00.002+08:00

i'm finally getting better..
slept throughout the day..
only had 1 meal for e entire day.

tml working morning..
shall slp early tonight.
hopefully everything goes well after tonight's slp.

completed my jap homework also.
hardworking lehs?
lolx.

my sensei is fierce though she always smile thru e whole lesson.
better be good & complete all her assignments.

nvr see baby e whole day..
i miss him liao..
:'(
nvm.
shall see him tml.

alright..
gtg now.

a lost battle..

2009-03-13T01:59:00.002+08:00

i woke up again..
went home earlier just now.
body feeling weird..
i knew it.
expected that.

accidentally fell aslp on bed.
woke up with fever le..
see how well i know my body?

damn.
i must get well before saturday!

gonna slp soon.
today will be a on & off slping session.
thats my routine when i'm sick..
waking up every 1-2 hrs..
maximum 4hrs..
thats it.

my body is so tired.
aching all over.

sianx.
tml gonna see doc..
money gonna leave me again..

better let me win lottery soon..
lolx.

ok.
no mood le.
momentum down.
spirits down.

vomit everything out duing 12am++..
guess i won't vomit anymore..
cos i have nth else to throw out le..

pathetic soul.
alone in my room.
only my teddies..doggy..meowie..
all my stuff toys to accompany me.

plus one secret stuff from baby.

ok.
stopping here.
gonna slp again.

once again..
i have lost terribly.
i tot i will win my cough & flu..
but i didnt.

baby came to my hse just now.
i still half surviving..
谢谢你，甜心！
我爱你！
baby's sudden appearance cheered me up!

i am not giving up.
still fighting on..
yes!
I WILL BE BACK TO WORK ON SAT!
I WILL!
I MUST DO IT MANX!

another monday

2009-03-10T01:17:00.002+08:00

went for my 2nd lesson today..
today's lesson was great.
very funny..

keiko-san was here..
but after 8pm..
we had a change of sensei..
became hitomi-san.
she's quite young i guess..
she really has a sense of humour..

lolx.
grrr.
i have to load lotsa stuffs into my brain.
stress..
i really can feel the stress coming..
cant imagine the JLPT..

oh manx..
finally i'm working afternoon shift tml le..
i have been staying up late & waking up early in e morning.
feel like going to collapse soon.

flu is still clinging on to me after so long..
this is my 1st time having flu for more than a week.
nb.

i hate flu..
damn it.
lost my sense of smell.
shit.

nth much these few days actually.

baby called me at 10pm earlier on..
i dint pickup..
cos hitomi-san is still around.

answered baby's call after he called e 3rd time.
weather was bad.
but baby hurried down to fetch me..
so i decided to get a burger & a mc chicken wrap.
i was shivering manx.

thinking that our permanent meeting venue is kinda far.
the place where baby will fetch me from now onwards whenever i'm having lesson.
abit sianx la.
nvm.
blasted my mp3..
faster walked to the place.
waited. waited. waited.
as the wind blows..
its damn cold as if i'm standing besides a gigantic block of ice.
awhile later..
thank god.
baby arrives.

when we reached my hse downstairs..
baby says he wanna eat supper.
cos he's hungry.
i told him i got something for him le.
spoiled my surprise.
wanted to secretly keep inside his bag den let him noe there's "something" waiting for him to attend to..

dino he will say he wanna have supper.
its rare that he says he wanna eat!

nvm.
headed back to my hse..
back to my room.

i warned baby not to open his eyes.
so i slowly took out my slightly-smashed burger & crooked mc chicken wrap.

when i ask him..
shiok anot?
is this burger & mc chicken wrap lots better than char kway teow & orh lua at this minute?
he said yes.
i felt that shiok feeling too.
its e appreciate-ness.

lolx.
no more grandmother story le.

gonna end here now.
waiting for baby to call me.

goodnight.

event done.

2009-03-07T14:25:00.002+08:00

finally the event is finished!

this event somehow let me learned something..
these children do not have parents..
only kind volunteers who offered to help them.

some looked really normal thou they are not.
but they sure looked adorable..
happily munching fries..
enjoying ice-cream.

i'm like their big sisters..
but..
they are my learners..
cos i realised how fortunate i am compared to them.
they got so much love showered on them..
with the love they have got..
they are already so satisfied.

unlike us..
we have love..
but we are still asking for more & more.
sometimes..
i guess..
being contented is the best.

baby is off today.
guess he's going for a haircut...
he better remember to buy my chicken wings & my johnson baby!
if not..
he will....

meeting phyllis for dinner later..
din see her for more than 2 years!
goodness!

busy friday~~~

2009-03-06T14:28:00.002+08:00

i am so so so busy with enquiries today..

helped my "mummy" do this do that!
very high manx..

have to attend OPs meeting @ 3pm..
but last minute enquiries..
i need to meet clients at 3.30pm.

luckily i have Ah Ne to help me cover up.

meeting another client on monday.
but i will give it to fred.
he's doing advertising stuffs anyway.
i know nuts about it too.

i'm a busy women..
not a free & nothing-to-do lady anymore.

thanks to "u"!

alright.
stopping here now.

waiting for lynette to post the pics on facebook den i will grab it.
pics coming soon..!
lynette..
faster confirm me can..
omgnessss*
i cant wait to see those pics taken @ timbre!

hahah.
stupid women.
lynette doesnt even noe my blog..
lolx.
forget it.
i just need to rant it out through my bloggie..

thanks to my bloggie..
its such a heavenly place for me & my shiits.

sweet rainy day <33

2009-03-06T00:03:00.003+08:00

thought the weather will be rather fine today..
all went well for the whole day..
until..
10pm..
skies start to turn bloody red..
windy blowing as if typhoon..
sianx.

thought its a false alarm..
but just when baby & me are leaving..
rain falls..
baby says..
this kind of rain awhile only la..
but NO..
so wrong.
got heavier & heavier...
had a puff & waited awhile..
10.45pm liao..

so baby suggested that i take cabbie home..
he agreed to sponser me..
but the thing is..
there is no sight of cabbies at all.
either status busy or hired.
sianx.

15mins later..
again he suggested that he take simon's umbrella to fetch me to bus stop.
rolled up his black long pants..
looked like those uncles who sell fish in market..
lolx.
fishmonger?
hahah*
he's so sweet manx.
1st time in our 2yrs relationship!

baby asked me whether he good or not..
must write in blog to say how sweet he is..
therefore..
i listened to him.
thats why i am writing here now.

宝贝。。
我知道你对我很好啦！
现在我让全世界知道了咯！
谢谢你，宝贝！
我们在一起两年。。
你第一次这样对我。。
你太好了!
真是甜在心里了！

school starts...

2009-03-02T14:33:00.002+08:00

oh gosh*

i cant believe its gonna be my 1st day of lesson after i finish work.
so excited!

i'm so gonna study hard for it.

wish me all e best yea..
lolx*

i'm having a very bad flu since yesterday..
bad luck.
imagine sneezing all e way since morning!?
nose seems to be numb after the whole morning of rubbing..

feel like slping too.
shiit*
pls do not make me feel slpy during my very 1st day of lessons!
god bless me.

counting down to be ..

2009-02-27T15:52:00.003+08:00

3 more days to my first day of lessons!
yes!
i am so looking forward to monday!

my next plan is:

sourcing & importing ladies fashion wears only from taiwan & japan.
payment can be only made thru DBS ibanking/transfer & paypal.
anyone interested can drop me a tag in advanced.
so that i can update u guys.

planning in progress - - -

just another day..

2009-02-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

today met this new staff from china..
she is bai qin.
its kinda challenging for me cos my chinese sucks.

its so hard for me to explain certain words to her as i normally said it in english.
wahs..
i was having a bad headache today.
pathetic soul.

but she's alright.
trying to get used to everything..

my eyes seems to be closing..
maybe cos of my lack of slp.

but i so wanna watch my tvb drama later..
i'm on the afternoon shift.
was thinking of having my fried chicken while watching tv.

i'm so afraid that i will miss this later..
feel so restless...

maybe shall slp right away after my tvb drama ends.

nth much to update..
shall be back soon! :)

生病了！

2009-02-20T01:11:00.003+08:00

昨晚突然发烧到38.2度！
今天还得要去做工！
脸色真的很恐怖咯！
差点没命！

还好明天休息。。
不然的话。。
我肯定得拿病假！

明天要去银行办手续。。
刚才下班后就去学校交学费。。
3月2号就开始上学咯！
开始我的日本语言课程！
我非常非常期待。。
课本都拿了！

我的头还是昏昏沉沉的。。
还在发烧。。
不过现在已经37.9了。。
快点回到正常温度计啊！
辛苦噢。。

宝贝刚好又不在我身边。。
真难受。。
我好想我的宝贝。。

8teen.zero2.two00nine

2009-02-19T17:00:00.001+08:00

昨天是我和宝贝在一起两周年的纪念日！
好开心。。
但是我们却不能有二人世界的时间。。
因为我们整天的时间都给了公司！
做工做了整天！
真的是累到。。
简直没话说！

在17号的晚上，
我和宝贝在我家附近吃晚餐。
过后就送我回家。
宝贝陪了我一下下。。
然后就回家了。

昨晚放工后也陪了我一下下才回家。。
今天休息。。

明天终于到我休息了！
很累很累。。

等下放工还得去学校交学费。。
第一个付款就要把我辛辛苦苦赚来的$250.00给夺走！
没办法。。

bored.

2009-02-16T00:10:00.003+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Death
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

was browsing rach's darling bloggie..
sounds interesting..
so anyhow pick one & go for it..
lolx.

waiting for baby to reach home.

昨天是情人节。。
虽然我什么礼物都没有。。
因为他没钱了。。

但是我还算是蛮开心的。。
因为宝贝陪我。。
又对我好好！

宝贝，
谢谢你！
谢谢你在情人节那晚陪我。。
我看得出你的用心。。
放工回家的时候塞车。。
来的时候又塞车！
特地赶回家洗澡又得要赶下来接我下班。

我知道你昨天也很累。。
所以我其实有点感动。。
我很清楚塞车真的很累。。

然后和jer,shihua在river valley吃夜宵！
回到家真的是精疲力尽了。
尤其是我。。
因为我忙了整天！
大概四点多睡觉。。
今天早上又九点半起床。
下班后。。
我们刚才还吃了晚餐。。
顺便买了我的鞋子！
好贵噢！

臭宝贝！
怎么你没阻止我！？
$70.00的鞋子啊！
我的妈。。
我还是很心痛！

到家后。。
宝贝又陪了我一下下。。
过后就走了。
宝贝还在和朋友喝茶吧。。

不说了。
有点累了。。
这个礼拜有的我忙了！
救命。。

numb.

2009-02-13T23:58:00.004+08:00

have u ever had this feeling?

have u been ever so devastated till the level & u start to feel nth at all?
u tried enduring again & again..
tried to feel what is going on countless of times..
yet nth seems to turn out wat u really want..
until the day u given up..
& no longer wish for anything?

..

i did.
at this moment..
i am the one.
HO JING YEE YVONNE!

YVONNE,
u're such a failure.
u failed in everything & anything.

i tried.
i really really tried.

i tried to let things run it in a natural way.

but..

ended up..

.
.
.
.
.

it turned out to be what i have thought all along.
thou i do not wish to.

i knew it.
expected that.
thou deep inside my heart..
i really don't wish so.

over is already over.
done is already done.

what more can i expect?
nth else right.

absolutely nth.

i chose this path myself.
so i have to go thru it all e way till the end..

numb.
i feel nth right now.

哎哟哟！

2009-02-12T16:01:00.002+08:00

希望我们从新开始是对的选择。。

今天很糟糕！
我一起床就很不舒服。。
真讨厌。。

难得今天休息。。
我睡得很爽。。
一觉睡到天亮。。
很久没有这样了。

昨晚和宝贝谈了一个多钟头。。
我不想这样过下去。。
就算没有吵架。。
感情迟早都会变淡的！
我不要终生遗憾！

谁先做主动也都不怎么重要了。。
宝贝说他只要简简单单地谈恋爱。
我也想要这样。
我知道。。
简单就是幸福。

我要的是幸福~
所以我一定要从头开始简单的生活。
这次我只许成功不许失败！
我一定要改。。
一定要！
我一定要做到令宝贝满意为止！

我会努力的。。
一定会！

昨天我真得很倒霉！
上班没心情。。
又下大雨！
那个时候。。
我真希望我在家里的床上舒舒服服地躺着噢。。

正在赶计划书的时候。。
天气已经死气沉沉了。。
真没心情做工。。
又在那一霎那。。
我发现我的小手指头竟然在流血！
原来我是被电脑裂缝给割到了！
我还以为没什么。。
谁知道。。。
好像越来越痛哦。。
我真的好想大喊出来！
“为什么我那么倒霉啊！？”
算了。。
我把伤口包扎起来。。
然后继续工作。。

倒霉的事竟然还没到此结束！
。
。
。
停电啦！

我的第一句话是。。
WTF!?
因为我的电脑也没电了。
好不容易做出来的计划书泡汤了咯。。
赶出来的计划书竟然还没储存好就被电割掉了!
你说我是不是倒霉到家了？
害得我又从头开始。。

我告诉aunty goon我今天很倒霉！
她说我见红了！
今晚中马票了！
我说真的会中马票就好咯！
结果。。
她昨晚回家之前。。
到function room来找我。。
告诉我。。
yvonne..你中马票了！

我呆住了！
因为我已经连续好几个月没中过马票！
虽然只是那区区的$10钱！
但已经足够我开心了！

我以为倒霉的事真的已经到此结束了。。

谁知道。。

今天起床。。
又倒霉透了！
大姨妈驾到！

我想哭又哭不出！
真惨。。

苦不堪言。。

2009-02-11T23:54:00.002+08:00

到底要这样维持多久？
我很难受！

我不知道我还能撑多久。。。
我天天都是毫无表情。

眼泪也是天天在流。。

我总觉得不对劲。。
但是又不知道问题在哪里。。

我看得出你已经不怎么会放心思在这段感情了。。
这代表什么呢？

我很希望我的想法是错的！

心碎。。。

2009-02-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

我好想好想哭。。
真的好想。。

我很难受！

但我还是要忍！

幸福到底是什么？

2009-02-09T23:42:00.002+08:00

幸福到底是什么感觉呢？

我大概已经忘了吧。。
或许我根本就不会拥有任何的幸福。。

我答应自己不会再有任何的要求。
就算心里非常希望。。
也只能偷偷的期待。
但我知道，
不管有没有期待些什么。。
我心里知道，
我什么也不会得到的。。。。。。
到头来还是空的。
什么也不会有。

我连放开等待惊喜地的出现也放弃了。
因为我很清楚知道，
在我这一生。。
我永远都不会得到这一切。

在我的生命字典里面。。
期待，等待，希望，惊喜。。
已经不存在了。

不可能再有了。

我虽然很不开心。
但我也没做些什么了。
反正做多。。
错更多！

以前的我会很期待在情人节获特别的节日收到惊喜或礼物。
但现在。。
经过很多事后。。
我已经不再是我了。
再也不会回到从前的我了。

uploaded.

2009-02-08T20:09:00.002+08:00

as promised..
i upload this pic during my malacca trip.
there's 1 more..
but blurrish.
so don't see e point of uploading.

ok.
no mood.

bye.

什么都没了。。。

2009-02-08T17:02:00.004+08:00

今天的晚餐泡汤了。
一起吃团圆饭的念头也没了。
宝贝因为不舒服所以不去了。

不舒服就算了吧。。

昨晚又没吃到晚餐。。
本来以为还有今天的。。
可以补偿到昨天。
结果全部变成什么都没有。

看来这个月。。
我们的两周年就是这样过了。。
空空的。

我除了今天还有时间。。
也不知道几时还有机会了。

也许就算有机会的话，
你也不会再找机会补偿你所曾经答应过的事但没做到。。
到时候都过去了。
你早已忘记掉这个特别的一天了。

其实我真的还很期待你会给我惊喜的一天。
但我又不敢。
因为我很害怕。

唉。。
我还能怎样呢？

没有色彩的世界。。。

2009-02-07T20:45:00.003+08:00

注定了。
你怎么做都改变不了。。
也只能认命。

至于我。。
还不是要认命。。
不是认就是忍。。
我还有其它选择吗？
没有了。
完全没有。

所有的好事都不会在我的身上发生。
永远都不会。

我有那么糟糕吗？

为什么每次到最后都是空的？
为什么每次要让我一次又一次体会从天上摔下来的感觉？
为什么要对我那么残忍？

钱总是进得慢，出得快！

2009-02-07T15:19:00.003+08:00

woke up 12pm.
went for dental appointment..
my metal ring broke into half..
steady right..
bracket also loosen.
blame it on my itchy mouth.
i kept biting my teeth.
nb.

gonna clean my house soon..
after that slack awhile den go watch movie with baby.

saw shuting at tiong..
she's pregnant liao lor..
gonna give birth during june.
exchange no & chat awhile..
dino her husband is also a malaysian.
lolx.

suddenly miss all my sch friends..
long time nvr meet up for gathering liao.

alright.
i need to clean my floor le.

wanted to get new hp.
but no money.
cos this month i need to get present for baby.
i tink he needs it.
wanted to get for myself.
but better not lah.
next month den see how..

pay faster come can..
omg*
i'm so despo for $$$ at this moment.

funny..
i knew my money was running low..
yet i still choose to buy the more expensive one..
cos its more worth it ba..
practical..
nvm.
buy for baby de..
its ok.

tahan lor.
no choice.
i'm broke!

人生中的其中一个选择。。

2009-02-06T20:47:00.002+08:00

原来我这次是认真的。。
我还以为只是那几天的热度。。
我的心应该已经朝向另外一个方向了吧。。

自己也不知道是好事还是坏事。。
矛盾。。
我很乱。。
我现在到底是开心还是不开心。。
我大概也没有选择吧。。

就算我有多不开心。。
但是我知道我现在做的都是对的。。
都是我自己选择的。

只要我这样做会让事情平淡下来。。
我肯定不会有任何的怨言。。
我已经到了赴汤蹈火的极限了。。

虽然我始终还是会觉得害怕。。
我自己的害怕还是自己知道就好。
免得夜长梦多。。

自己选择藏在心里。。
至少麻烦没那么多。

就这样决定吧。

简单=幸福

2009-02-05T20:45:00.002+08:00

或许简单真的会带给自己幸福吧。。
试着想开点。。
人之然就会比较开朗。。
努力想一下。。
想想一些能让你开心的事。。
到最后。。
可能事情会变得更加美好。。

当我自己很开心的时候。。
几乎飘在天空中的快乐感觉时。。
我却从很高的天空摔了下来。。

知道那种痛不欲生的感觉吗？
原来那些快乐都不会长久。。
明知道迟早都会摔一跤。。
但人类总是这样。。
明知道继续下去只会对自己造成无数的伤害。。
但是人还是会向前冲。。
没有体会过。。心里就会有点不甘心。
样样都去试。。
不是不好。。
有好有坏啦！

看自己到最后能不能承担所有决定过的事。。

田野，
我会加油的！

___ .the words left unsaid. ___

CNY Day 2

Genting Trip 29.09.2010 - 30.09.2010

i'm back!!!

shitty stuffs

really heartbroken this time...

PHEW...

绝望了。。

STRESS

losing my sense of direction..

terrible life..

NOTHING!

yippee!

idiotic FREAKING day!

shaggy von.

shitty day!

stupid headache & idiotic gastric

i'm a sleepy head!

我对宝贝的爱。。

newly pics

boredd.

又打回原形。。

quick updates

始终还是一样。。

Pls take your time to read this...

bloody FEBRUARY

shitty person

bored..

my 2 days spent with baby..

vl injured birdie..

10 years of friendship, unexpected stuffs

VL & VM - post xmas & pre new year party!

BKK 20/11/2009 - 23/11/2009 & HK 23/11/2009 - 27/11/2009

on break..

11-Nov-2009

counting down ...

counting down 3 days to my bday!

pot calling the kettle black

counting down 3days to baby's bday!

happie 2yr 8mth to us~

happy day :)

little updates

should i stay or should i go?

mentally & physically torture treatment!

cherish now...

exhausted

a better day..

a feeling which could not be described unless u experience it like i do.

monday is gone like this.

sian-sation

sad.

innocent. lost.

let it be..

happiest thoughts of the month

宝贝口中最令我感动的一句话，宝贝和我的约定

怕。。

老大's departure..

disappointed.

back again..

sick & tired of life-

depression

sick..

exploding..

经历过所有才会明白一切！

heartbroken.

A Real "sWaY-iNg" SATURDAY!

clumsy! , happie 2yrs & 2mths anniversary

status - busy & tired but yet blessed & fortunate

reaching the extreme..

s t e a m - e d

累。。

充满恐惧。。

the 2 days spent..

wee :)

happie 2yr 1mth anniversary！

不安的心。。

going thru the worst moment in life

a better day..

a lost battle..

another monday

_ .the words left unsaid. _